THIS, Sir, Is My Case!

Hey '09s, whatever you do, don't read the next sentence. We have 100 days left. Because of this horrific fact, coupled with the facts that it's already March, the term is almost over and our class trip to Cabo is but a few days away, our time is running out to do those things every Dartmouth student has to do before they graduate.

Now, everyone has seen that stupid checklist that they give to students, the "100 things to do before you graduate" poster. That poster tells you things like "Sing the Alma Mater," "Eat a Collis Pastry," "NRO a class at a D+" and other obvious things that everyone does by sophomore summer.

If you are a senior and still doing things on that checklist, then stop reading and re-evaluate your Dartmouth experience. But if you want a new challenge, a new checklist specifically tailored for senior spring, then continue reading. I present to you, the official "50 things to do during senior spring" checklist.

1. Stage a class argument with a professor.

2. Take a graduate student to a formal.

3. Get picked up, be completely sober and then be released.

4. Wake up in the Choates, and then walk to BFAB in Brittle.

5. Do the Novack Challenge (for 72 hours, only eat from the rotating vending machine).

6. Pay one parking ticket.

7. Drive across the Green ... diagonally.

8. Take a test in a class you aren't taking. And turn it in with 45 minutes left in the class.

9. Go with a friend to Town Hall and try to get married. And then get married.

10. Go to The Fort in the middle of the day.

11. Go to Rauner Library and ask to see the coolest book they have.

12. Send something to someone random through intra-campus mail.

13. Accidentally fall asleep somewhere in the library, wake up after closing time and see if you can go unfound.

14. Ask the registrar if you are on track to graduate in the spring every day at the same time.

15. Set the most embarrassing picture of your best friend as the desktop background of every computer on First Floor Berry.

16. Sit next to someone who doesn't know you and set your desktop background as their picture. Then wait for it ...

17. Take one spontaneous road trip somewhere at least 100 miles away.

18. Do the full Hanover bar crawl. Start and end at India Queen.

19. Have some form of one-on-one interaction with a fellow senior at least once a day.

20. Read for pleasure more than you read for class.

21. Get at least 2,000 songs for your iTunes library for free from Paddock Music Library.

22. Get a sandwich named after you at Food Court.

23. Ride with Safety and Security on a busy Saturday night.

24. Watch "Little Giants" with your friends close and your enemies even closer.

25. Get hooked on a new, horrible television show (and continue watching "For the Love of Ray J").

26. Walk around with a megaphone for an entire day.

27. Fall in love with a townie.

28. Run for Student Body President as a write-in candidate.

29. Read "The Giver" aloud to the Robert Frost statue.

30. Sleep on the Green.

31. Give a few dollars to the Senior Class Gift Fund.

32. Make a time capsule and hide it in a place where you will be able to retrieve in 20 years.

33. Make a "Web of Sketch."

34. Be politely asked to leave Lone Pine.

35. Ask the wonderful Hanover Parking man what his hopes and dreams are.

36. Give gifts to your five favorite dining hall employees.

37. Recreate "Burning Man" on the BEMA.

38. Finish the last leg of the "Dartmouth Seven" in front of a tour group.

39. Send a "Lost Black Northface" campus-wide blitz, and blame it on a specific person.

40. Compliment Susan Wright on what she's wearing. Every day.

41. Make fun of President-elect Jim Yong Kim for not being on Time's "100 Most Influential People" list last year.

42. Learn the words to at least five Dartmouth songs.

43. Get a paying job for next year.

44. Smile more than you frown.

45. Write thank you notes to your favorite professors, faculty and staff members.

46. Write a passive aggressive, highly sarcastic thank you note to that one professor that had it out for you.

47. Shake President Wright's hand. And don't let go until he lets go. It's a metaphor.

48. Have a bake sale, only accept cash and visibly put all donations in your pocket.

49. Ride the Novack Zamboni between 3 a.m. and 4:30 a.m.

50. Take all of the ugly things you own and just leave them in Brambles.

So there it is. I have taken the time to outline everything you need to do this spring. Use all of that free time that we're all going to have in Cabo to begin figuring out plans to finish this list. And, in case you weren't aware, the first person to finish the list gets a poster of the snow sculpture.

See you in the spring.