'11 Kappa: I saw some drunk idiot AD boy falling down the stairs last night only wearing a thong. It was perfect.
'12 Guy 1 [on laptop]: It says I'm not supposed to put it there!
'12 Guy 2: That's what she said
'12 Boy [in FoCo]: It is absolutely natural to touch yourself.
'12 Girl [to Friends]: You guys, next time I'm eating, remind me not to.
'12 Girl 1: I'm 1/16 Egyptian.
'12 Girl 2: Wait, if you're Egyptian, why aren't you black? I mean, Egypt's in Africa, right?
'12 Guy: My ID card got thrown in a urinal -- that I was peeing in.
'12 Guy: F*ck subtitles! I watch TV when I don't want to read.
'12 Girl [about boyfriend]: Could you hear us last night?
'12 Girl: How did it sound?
Roommate: Well, you're improving!
'09 Psi U [to '09 Girl]: Why is your finger in my ear?
'12 Choates Resident: My whole life just flashed before my eyes. The scary part is, I didn't see anything.
'10 TriDelt: My liver started psychosomatically hurting at the sight of all the alcohol.
'11 KDE 1: Where's Chi Gam again?
'11 KDE 2: Right next to KDE.
'11 KDE 1: You know, they should really put AD there.
'12 Girl [on phone]: Oh yeah, you should totally come visit Dartmouth. I'll take you to the frats. You'll be blown away and sketched out all at the same time.
Athlete 1 [walking from Davis Varsity House]: I wish I had a bike.
Athlete 2: Dude, I've been bike-free for four years.
Athlete 1: You live in Heorot. I live in the River.
Govy Prof: Yeah, after my first lecture class the median grade was an A, and the department said that was grade inflation, and it can't be that high, but I was like, "Well maybe I'm just too good at teaching."
'11 Chi Gam Pledge: I don't want to boot because then I'll be sober.
'12 Girl: I stopped running, but then I saw a girl with breast implants run by, so I started running again. There was no way I was going to let her beat me.
'12 Girl: I love Good SAM-ing people. It's so much fun!