It's Saturday morning. Your head is pounding as you try to recall any parts of last night you can " like how you managed to get back to your off-campus house without getting arrested by H-Po? It's all a bit hazy though. As you pop in a painkiller, take a swig of water, and roll over to get a few more hours of sleep, you quickly realize you aren't alone.
But don't panic just yet. You may have unknowingly accomplished one of the goals of Sophomore Summer " you may have met your '10 soul mate. Depending on the items of clothing he has strewn across your floor last night, you may have just met your ideal man. Here's what to look for:
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The boxers " at this point, it doesn't really matter how or why they came off. While they're a personal choice, some things to steer clear of are the Scooby Doo print, the Christmas tree print during July and oh yeah, discoloration, of any sort. In my modest opinion, boxers are the way to go nowadays.
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The cell phone " there are really only two ways to go. At the risk of sounding a bit snobby, the iPhone is the "it" item of the summer and if your guy doesn't have it, you may want to find another one. However, if the techy-nerd doesn't turn you on, perhaps the d-bag with a Blackberry might. Nevertheless, there is some appeal to a guy with a cell phone that makes him seem more important than he really is. And hey, the chances he has an offer from Goldman Sachs, McKinsey, or Morgan Stanley are proportionately higher " so you may have just hit the jackpot in more ways than one. Bottom line: if his cell phone flips open or doesn't have a full QWERTY keyboard, don't waste your time calling him " he can't add you to his calendar anyways.
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The shorts " you've got yourself a wholesome boy if you see a pair of J.Crew-esque chino shorts lying on your floor, preferably light pink or sea-foam blue in color. The guy gets brownie points in my book if they are Madras style, seersucker, or printed with lobsters or Scottie dogs. What chino shorts say about a guy is that they are put together and worth sending home to mom. Girls, don't let the athletic shorts fly; those should be saved for the gym. You deserve better " chances are if he doesn't care how he looks in front of you, your next date will likely be at FoCo.
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The shirt " the obvious Polo shirt can up any man's look tenfold and during the summer, the brighter the color, the better. A word to the wise, a man in baby pink is always worth your time. The second best option, though, is a clean cut simple t-shirt with a funny phrase or basic logo. It always looks good on a guy and gives off the impression that he didn't try too hard, which is probably the case " but nothing is wrong with that. As always, anything stained or giving off an unpleasant odor tells you that he can barely take care of himself, so don't expect him to take care of you " unless you want to do his laundry.
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The shoes " guys have a few options here. If you see a pair of flip flops on your floor, you've managed to find yourself the laid-back, cool type. A word of caution though, if the sandals happen to be covered in grimy basement film, you probably don't want to see this guy's feet. A pair of boat shoes? Now you've caught yourself a real winner. Boat shoes are the look of summer for the stylish man and paired with his chino lobster shorts and a nice Polo shirt, you are set for a classy "morning-after" breakfast at the Hanover Inn. The truth is these, including sneakers or slip-ons, are definitely worth at least a second go-round... just steer clear of the stinky shoes or Crocs.
By now, you should have a pretty good idea of whether you can update your Facebook status from "Single" to "It's complicated" or whether you should start using the go-to Dartmouth answer " "I was blacked out last night. Sorry!" " when people ask you, what were you thinking? Either way, just be thankful that you don't have to make that long walk of shame back to campus this time.
