I can't believe I'm actually writing this, but it truly is the end of an era. No, I'm still writing for The Mirror next term, so you can relax a little bit. I am sad to say that today, March 7th, 2008, is the last time that the "noparentswoo" and "The Still North" comic strips will appear together in The Dartmouth. It's a good thing I'm writing in the comfort of my own home, because the sadness has begun to move from my heart to my tear ducts.
Now, I have never actually read either of Mr. Lerman or Ms. Kennedy's comics and have no idea what they are about, but the fact that they have been doing something for two years now really warrants some congratulations. To quote Derek Zoolander, "Sting would be another person who is a hero. The music that he's created, I don't really listen to it, but the fact that he's making it -- I respect that."
Kennedy and Lerman deserve the honor of being placed on a pedestal. They are not, however, the only ones who deserve such acknowledgement.
I think it's time to honor those who continue to do great things here at Dartmouth, even if we aren't fully aware of what it is they do. I think it's appropriate to end the term with a list honoring those in our community who, if I invested more time in their work, I would find truly special.
Bronze Medal: The Sixth Computer Help Desk Guy
God bless this man's soul. As I make my weekly trip to Computer Sales and Services to alert them that Dells are still horrible computers, sometimes I just sit and watch the chaos that is the Computer Help Desk. There is no other place on campus where more dreams come to an end. It's the only place where you will be told that everything you've done at Dartmouth thus far was just lost, mainly because you bought a Dell and they are horrible pieces of scrap metal. Sometimes as many as five helpers will be at this desk, either all working on one computer or assisting many different troubleshooting missions. Note that I say "five." The number five is important, because I'm positive there is a sixth person who works back there who I literally have never seen helping out or doing anything. He usually has a Superfood Odwalla in his hand, and occasionally he drinks it, asks the other helpers who are too busy to hear him if they want anything and then goes down to Novack to get another Odwalla.
I have convinced myself, however, that I simply come at high-volume times of the day when there is no space for him to work. All I can do is hope that one day I make my weekly stroll on First Floor Berry and see you truly helping someone with their computer problems. I know you have it in you, Computer Help Desk Guy #6. I salute you, for all you do for this campus, especially those in need whenever I'm not watching.
Silver Medal: Dick's House
I love you Dick's House. You truly are the backbone that holds together Rope Ferry Road. Sure you have misdiagnosed me ("No, I'm not pregnant."), failed to stock a few key items one would need in an emergency ("No, we don't have Epi-Pens," 7:28pm, March 1st, 2008.) and misdiagnosed me again ("I swear. I'm not pregnant, I don't have those parts. You have no idea what I'm talking about? Well, Dick's House, sometimes when a man and a woman fall in love...").
That said, I have heard that you do some amazing things. I hear when the intoxicated are brought to your facilities you treat them very well, and that once someone told them they might have an ear infection, and then they actually did.
There will be a time when I need you, I'm sure of it. And when that day occurs I will give you a big hug, Dick's House, and salute you for your commitment to Dartmouth College.
Gold Medal: The Flag Guy
If I wake up early enough for my morning Advanced Transit ride to Queechee and back, sometimes I see a mysterious figure opening a small box and raising the Dartmouth and American flags on the Green. By the time most of the Dartmouth community wakes up and begins to make their way outside, the job is done and the man is gone. And, at some mysterious midday point, which I've always assumed is while all of campus is in 3As, he lowers the flags and once again disappears. This great man does what I consider the most thankless job at Dartmouth. He gets no credit and most importantly, no one knows why he does what he does. Does he work for the College? Or is he a rogue, Jack Bauer-esque character that does things for the College, but works for no one? A friend once told me that his silhouette is eerily similar to that of ex-Dean of Admissions Karl Furstenberg.
We may never know, but I think he should be shown the highest degree of admiration. Flag Guy, thank you for doing the things we know you do, and for all the things I'm sure none of us will ever know.
In summation, Mr. Lerman and Ms. Kennedy, the Dartmouth community salutes you for two years of hard work for The Dartmouth. This winning combo will truly be missed.
Rembert is a staff writer for The Mirror. He reads the comics for the "pretty pictures."
