The friend with benefits. The f*ck buddy. La grisette. Amicus cum coitum. On Sex and the City, the dial-a-dick. They have many names, but one purpose -- satisfying our lust. Sandra Himen explores the possibilities.
Last week while I was sitting in an ecology class contemplating the mating behaviors of male and female guppies, I got to thinking about our own style of mating patterns in this proverbial Dartmouth bubble. It's no secret that the frat-o-centric social scene at Dartmouth can deter the prospect of a healthy, mutually respectful relationship, something we distastefully refer to as the "D-word" -- dating. And in a social climate where gender relations are as icy cold as the walk home from TDX, we make up for our lack of harmonious male-female bonds by resorting to a Dartmouthian tradition as old and sacred as the Baker Tower or that bonfire -- that is, the sex buddy. In the past, I have been a huge advocate of the sex buddy -- no commitment, no emotional ties and free sex whenever you want it. What could possibly go wrong with this scenario?
Apparently many things, according to the vast majority of the female half of the Dartmouth population. While such matters are often taboo, discussed in hushed tones in sorority bathrooms, I sought to expose, dissect and empirically analyze the Dartmouth f-buddy. To determine exactly how successful the no-strings-attached method can be, I decided to administer a survey to over 15 randomly selected women regarding their experience with the sex buddy (or the friend with benefits, the make-out mate, the insert-what-you-want-here buddy, etc.). The findings of the survey were fascinating.
When the women were asked to rank their sex life at Dartmouth on a scale of one to five, the average score was 4.29. The mean score for their love life, however, was significantly lower with a total value of 3.25. Out of the 15 girls questioned, 11 admitted to having at one point had a "hook-up buddy," three never had this experience and one was undecided. The undecided individual specified that a hook-up buddy would "require you to be sober enough to remember the last guy you've hooked up, go find him and make it a "regular" thing, right? Then no."
Perhaps even more indicative of the complications of the hook-up buddy, of those who confessed to pursuing some sort of non-committal physical relationship, the "quality of experience" rating averaged at a lowly 2.90. One girl noted, "The hook-up was great, and so was the uncertainty and anticipation, but there was also a fair deal of anxiety involved."
When asked whether a mutually satisfying "hook-up buddy" relationship is feasible, the interviewees were split: eight no, five yes and two undecided. One girl notes "the mutual hook-up buddy almost always fails in the end because one of the individuals involved will inevitable become attached." Another anticipates the problem of differing expectations and questionable exclusivity of the relationship. A more jaded interviewee notes "both parties must understand boundaries before they go into it. If you decide you're not mutually exclusive, you better be aware that he's probably getting with some other girl."
In general, deterred by the shallow connection, most females found the idea of a hook-up buddy to be short-lived if not a flat out failure. Yet despite such anticipated conflicts with the non-committal relationship, an overwhelming 79% of interviewees have maintained a hook-up buddy at some point during their Dartmouth career.
All agreed there are also the unique social dynamics of Dartmouth to be take into consideration when discussing this type of relationship. One girl noted, "The smallness of the community and the frat basement dynamic demands extremes, making normal 'dating' pretty much impossible." Indeed, of the girls polled, about 72% believed that the social climate at Dartmouth does not find this type of relationship taboo, but in fact congratulates it from all sides. Many women did find, however, that the perception of the hook-up buddy differs from male to female perspectives. One woman notes "I think many girls at this school do want to be in a relationship, and this results in tension and makes the hook-up buddy less normalized in the sorority-versus-fraternity scene." Another agreed, saying, "It's fairly normal for dudes to do this, but girls who are known to do this are often viewed as sluts."
Not everyone was so cynical on the idea. Regarding the Dartmouth dating scene, one interviewee noted, "If we're talking about climate, let's be realistic. We live in Hanover; everyone wants to be warm in the winter, right?"
Ultimately, with our super-saturated overachiever lifestyles, a once or twice per week quickie may seem, on the surface, to save a whole lot of unnecessary time and effort. Yet, when we factor in the time constraints of constructing the "just casual enough Blitz," the inconveniences of dealing with the awkward morning after escape route, and the perpetual doubts, the sex-buddy may be much more tedious than it's cut out to be. Whether we regard it as a win-win situation, or doomed for failure, the Dartmouth hook-up is rarely satisfactory for all parties involved. And, as for staying warm through the wintry months, we're probably much better off left to our own (ahem) devices.
Sandra is a writer for The Mirror. As of press time, she has not yet been profiled by IvyGate Blog.
