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The Dartmouth
March 29, 2024 | Latest Issue
The Dartmouth

Zac Efron: Hot Heartthob or Teenyboppin' Terror?

Zac Efron
07/05/2007 - Zac Efron - Hairspray - London Premiere - Arrivals - Odeon West End - London, England - Keywords: Zac Efron ** Worldwide Rights ** Zack Efron - - - Photo Credit: Solarpix / PR Photos - Contact (1-866-551-7827)

Allison Ruderman '10: Disney turned him into a brand, correctly reading the tweenage demand for a star with a just-passable voice and a Beatles mop top updated with highlights. Now, with "Hairspray" behind him and a contract to play Ren in the upcoming "Footloose" remake, "High School Musical's" Zac Efron is Hollywood's resident it-boy. Thankfully, stars whose fans skew young typically experience a quick plunge from fame. That's because a) preteens eventually grow up, moving on to bigger and better stars (like Jake Gyllenhaal and Matthew McConaughey) and b) the stars themselves ditch the wholesome shtick. Zac's real-life and onscreen girlfriend Vanessa Hudgens lost Disney-approved appeal when she bared all in the public eye. Zac, too, could be one scandal away from obscurity.

In any case, I suspect he'll stink up Kevin Bacon's iconic performance in "Footloose," leaving a soon-forgotten legacy as this generation's B-side Jonathan Taylor Thomas.

A.J. Fox '09: If all the members of *NSYNC, the Backstreet Boys and 98 Degrees got together and produced a love child with Daniel Radcliffe, I think it would look something like Zac Efron. Only with less singing talent.

Sarah Frostensen '11: He may have stolen the hearts of tweens and teens across America, but I'm not getting my head in the game. Moon-calf gazes and pouty lips and gyrating hips -- ZEfron, you are so overrated. And Tracy Turnblad, girl, you can do so much better.

Liz Ellison '09: Who's Zac Efron?

Brittany Coombs '10: All I can say is that if Zac Efron is really anything like Link Larkin (his character in "Hairspray"), I would never be his friend. In fact, I would very much set out to destroy him, as I would anyone who combs his hair with his saliva and winks every time he introduces himself.

Jessica Krug '11: I've followed Zac Efron since he appeared on the short-lived WB show "Summerland." He does, I admit, have a tendency to gravitate towards the virgin tween romance flicks that showcase his overly tanned face, perfectly-placed hair and unbearably unrealistic characterizations. His over-acting suited the lovably tacky recent adaptation of "Hairspray," though, prompting the creation of a Facebook group called "All the girls who COULD NOT stop smiling while watching HAIRSPRAY!!" (not to worry, I left it).

And who can honestly say that there aren't times when we all wish we could go back to the days when the fastest way up was to "Bop to the Top" and we believed that we were "All in this Together"?

Anna Lotko '10: I've never seen "High School Musical" ... but I hear he's a dreamboat.

Divya Gunasekaran '11: Oh, Zac Efron, you must enjoy your newly earned status as the latest heartthrob for prepubescent girls and as a god in the eyes of Disney fanatics. You've played dynamic, complex roles in such groundbreaking movies as "High School Musical" and its sequel. You are at the height of your career, and I want you to know that I look forward to your inevitable tragic demise with gleeful anticipation. Your future sex tape that will get leaked and relapses of drug abuse will be the cherry on my sundae of ill will. We all knew Lindsay Lohan would crack, and she did. You're next, Efron.

Matthew Ritger '10: I feel as though Zac Efron is the man-child avatar of a Chi Gam dance party. I feel simultaneously repulsed by his wife beaters, and ruffled by his pretty eyes.

Marielle Battistoni '11: Zac Efron and I have a very tumultuous (imagined) relationship. His electric blue eyes pop against the bright blue shirts he always wears, making me feel like I'm "soarin', flyin'" whenever I gaze into their crystalline depths. However, these eyes look out from under one of the strangest conglomerations of hair I have seen in tween idols since Hanson. Having such a good singing voice definitely adds to Zac Efron's appeal -- imagine him crooning to YOU while lying on top of a piano, instead of his on-screen and real-life girlfriend Vanessa Hudgens. But his overall evolution is the major source of contention. Efron has become artificially tanner, artificially blonder and has shed his awkwardly charming naivete for an arrogant, I-am-worshipped-by-12-year-olds attitude. Not to mention pretentiously shedding the "h" or "k" from his first name. My suggestion to any Efron groupies: Go for Corbin Bleu instead. He has cooler hair.

Ahra Cho '11: Zac Efron looks fake, almost like a real-life, transgender Barbie doll.

Joe Indvik '10: Though terrified of the answer, I asked my girlfriend what she thought of our friend Zac. I was expecting something along the lines of "OMG, OMG, OMG... He's like soooo dreamy! I want his babies!" followed by one of those blood curdling fan-girl screams that rips out your masculinity and replaces it with a biting sense of inadequacy.

But I asked anyway.

Also, I (masochistically) sent her a link to a Google image search with key words "zac efron no shirt" and prepared to weather the storm.

Her response: "Hot bod but his face is too boyish. He looks like he is five. And his hair is lame too."

Boo-fricking-ya, Zac Efron!

Joe DeBonis '10: Some definitions for you, tweenyboppers -- talented is Justin Timberlake and his four Grammys, the likes of which Zac will never see. Wholesome is NOT having the nude pictures of your barely-legal girlfriend leaked to Perez Hilton. Finally, attractive is a concept mutually exclusive from that of "toupee-wearing" -- an art form Mr. Efron pulls off even less successively than his predecessor, Sonny Bono.

Caitlin Kelly '09:

Dear Mr. Efron,

Please stop wearing enough pancake makeup to make Liza Minelli look like a natural beauty. I'm pretty sure that's a sign of the apocalypse. Also, sources tell me that you are, in fact, a male.

Since "Young Frankenstein" and "Legally Blonde" are the latest hits on the Great White Way, I have a feeling that the musical as a viable art form is on the way out. In fact, I bet you can't even handle a Sondheim chorus. Although High School Musical has been a hit success, I choose to think of it as a sign of the further decline of Western civilization as we know it, not as a sign of any talent on your part. You might want to look into alternative career paths. Something in drag might be to your liking.

Also, tell your girlfriend that her erotic photo shoot was not only an idiotic idea, but also seriously fugly in execution. Seriously, what teenager has burgundy bedding? Ew.

Thanks,

Caitlin

Meredith Fraser '08: I feel like I should feel bad for him, but I also feel like we, the arts staff, could be potentially saving a reader from the depths of this-boy-must-be-worthwhile-'cause-he's-in-the-tabloids/so-lame-I-have-no-words star worship. I will be putting this down in the community service portion of my next resume.