For the big networks, summer lineups are a place to dump leftover programming and bad reality shows. Few new shows emerge to earn a spot on the fall lineup, and even fewer old shows regain an audience. After sweeps in May, quality on the networks is as hard to find as a scrap of modesty in the head of Kanye West.
This season viewers could tune into lowlights like "Age of Love," on which tennis star Mark Philipoussis chose the kitten rather than the cougar -- oh the drama! Not that the premise (some women in their 20s, some in their 40s) was necessarily bad -- dating shows have bombed in worse style (take 2003's "Mr. Personality," hosted by Monica Lewinsky: women dated masked men).
What killed "Age of Love" was its flirtation with two formats -- the credible, non-gimmicky "The Bachelor" and the joyously self-unaware and silly "Beauty and the Geek" -- and its refusal to stick to one or the other. It didn't help that despite his colorful exploits in Australian tabloids, Philipoussis had as much personality as your average tennis ball.
Two other washed-up pop icons graced the big networks: N*SYNCer Joey Fatone and Wayne Brady, hosts of "Singing Bee" on NBC and the FOX knockoff "Don't Forget the Lyrics," respectively.
NBC's version of the karaoke gameshow looked something like a cheerleader on ecstasy: backup dancers in sequined bee costumes, the works. Fatone channeled his best overgrown-boy-bander enthusiasm, seeming a bit inappropriate on someone of his age and celebrity status. He reminded me of an irritating b'nai mitzvah emcee being paid to entertain off-pitch adult contestants in place of awkward 13-year olds in a temple.
Unsurprisingly, the copycat show, "Don't Forget the Lyrics," wasn't much better. While contestants tried to remember the lyrics, I liked to think Wayne Brady was going to crack without warning at any moment and shout "Is Wayne Brady gonna have to choke a bitch?"
You could say that these shows have a particular sort of guilty pleasure entertainment value, however tasteless they may be, but even that would be giving the viewing public too much credit for watching them.
The closest the networks got to quality wasn't even a show itself, rather a moment within an increasingly irrelevant tradition: the Best Comedy win for the series "30 Rock" at the Emmy Awards. And maybe this doesn't even count as part of the summer season, because "30 Rock" is on the fall schedule, and the Emmys -- which aired three Sundays ago -- technically were in the fall too.
Thank you, Dartmouth, for screwing up my conception of the summer/fall transition.
You should hit yourself if you don't watch "30 Rock." It's fun and snappy, and its win thankfully redeemed an Emmy broadcast that tried too hard to be relevant -- like when host Ryan Seacrest joked about Vanessa Hudgens of "High School Musical" fame. Please. The Emmys aren't TMZ.
There's no use blaming the networks for the state of summer programming. Television is 99 percent ratings-driven. And frankly, in the summer, people in the 18-49 demo have better things to do than sit in front of the tube.
The networks think logically: save the best stuff for the fall, strategically fill empty timeslots with reruns and hope the new summer stock at least keeps its head above water.
For most of us the appeal of summer TV is basic cable, whose summer output surpasses that of the networks year after year. Successful shows included "The Closer" and "Saving Grace" on TNT, "Army Wives" on Lifetime, "Burn Notice" on USA and "Damages" on FX. The best of the summer crop was "Mad Men," a seductive drama on AMC about a 1960s advertising agency. Nothing on HBO or Showtime even came close. Sorry, "Entourage."
The networks also ought to take a cue from Bravo, the aptly-named cable outlet that has reinvented and refined the reality formula. Its summer lineup included the excellent "Top Chef" and the Emmy-winner for Best Reality Series (non-competition) "Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List." "Top Chef," like "Project Runway," excels by casting talented and interesting contestants who aren't camera-hungry in the way so many reality stars are.
I'm not going to lie. Between endless "America's Next Top Model" reruns and Best Week Ever-esque programming, MTV and VH1 took up a fair share of my viewing attention this summer. The summer season is just that bad. Bring on fall TV!
