Walking on Eggshells: Senior Skip Day
I'm guessing many of you faithful WOE readers are probably sitting down with a fresh plate of eggs and toast dished out by my main man Lerrone of the Hop staff and have immediately turned The D to the back page for this very column. Well, take your time with your breakfast, sit back and relax because it's senior skip day. That's what Grant Lewis '07 told me anyway, and as questioning the knowledge of Grant "Too Good with Commas" Lewis is far beyond the fledging capabilities of this column, I leave it up to you to decide whether to participate in senior skip day. Personally, I'm all for it, mostly because skipping class is the only thing I can do to guarantee that I won't run into error-prone, mascot-obsessed sports writer Dave Glovsky '08.
Moving right along, I am happy to report that the Jerkstore of the Weekend award is making its second consecutive appearance in WOE. This week's lucky winner is one of my all-time favorite radio personalities, Don Imus, who recently made headlines with his "nappy-headed hos" remark on his morning talk show "Imus in the Morning." Imus, who was referring to the Rutgers women's basketball team that recently lost the NCAA championship in blowout fashion to the Lady Vols of Tennessee, 59-46, has issued statements apologizing for the remark. He has also been reportedly suspended from the air for two weeks, starting next Monday. I figured that since he doesn't start his suspension until next week, WOE should try and fill the void between then and now with the heralded Jerkstore of the Weekend Award. Congrats Imus! Send me some of Fred's salsa!
Awards, awards, awards:
Golfer of the Weekend: Elsie McLean of Chico, Calif.
What? You thought I was going to give it to Zach Johnson just because he was the first golfer ranked outside of the top 50 to ever win the Masters (Johnson was 56th in the world going into the weekend)? Although I'm sure Imus was happy to see a white man walking down the 18th fairway, leaving Tiger to settle for second-best, I'm not sure Johnson's victory comes close to the recent ace notched by 102-year old golfer Elsie McLean, now the oldest woman to ever record a hole in one. McLean, who used her driver on the par three, 100-yard fourth hole at Bidwell Park in California, is scheduled to appear on the "Tonight Show with Jay Leno" on Tuesday, April 24. The show will be taped extra early to accommodate McLean's 4 p.m. early bird special dinner and 5 p.m. bedtime.
DUI of the Weekend: Warren Moon, ex-QB
Congrats to NFL Hall of Famer Warren Moon, who was arrested last Friday at 2 a.m. on DUI charges after being stopped by a state trooper in Kirkland, Wa. Moon, who played 17 seasons in the NFL and has recently been working as an analyst for the Seattle Seahawks radio broadcasts, may have tarnished his reputation with the DUI, but chances are he'll pay a fine and be back in no time, Tank Johnson-style. And let's be serious, no amount of DUIs can tarnish Moon's utter domination of the CFL in the early 1980s, when he lead the Edmonton Eskimos to five straight Grey Cup Victories. On the arrest, Don Imus said he had "no comment," but rumors that he muttered, "at least he shaves his head" under his breath have not yet been confirmed or denied.
Dartmouth Superstars of the Weekend: Dan Shribman '07 (Men's Hockey), Nick Santomauro '10 (Baseball)
Shribman '07 capped his Dartmouth hockey career by winning the Derek Hines Unsung Hero Award, which was announced at the NCAA Frozen Four. Meanwhile, freshman Nick Santomauro, who leads the Dartmouth squad with a .326 batting average and went six-for-13 this past weekend against Cornell and Princeton, was named Co-Ivy League Rookie of the Week. Shribman plans to celebrate the Hines Award by jet setting around Europe for the remainder of Spring term, while Santomauro and the rest of the baseball team are hoping to play a home game sometime before Memorial Day weekend.