Sports fans -- We have arrived. These are the golden weeks of sport: the World Series, the NFL season hitting full stride, the NHL underway and the NBA not far off in the future. It's that mystical time in the fall when the heavens align and the world of sport permeates every mind in America. In World Series news, thanks to another brilliant post-season performance by Kenny Rogers and the pine tar on his left hand, the Detroit Tigers have tied the series at one game apiece.
In slightly off-the radar baseball news, let me take the time to congratulate the Philadelphia Phillies, who used all that extra salary money from trading Bobby Abreu and Sal Fasano to sign 43 year-old Jamie Moyer to a two-year contract extension worth over $10 million. Moyer, an aging starter who was mediocre at best this season with an 11-14 record and a 4.30 ERA, is apparently the benefactor of the Rocky VI hype that has invaded Philadelphia like a plague of rabid dogs.
And continuing with the international aspect of WOE, let us not forget the oft-overlooked Japanese Series, which is also tied at one after the Nippon Ham Fighters defeated the Chunichi Dragons 5-2. Trey Hillman, manager of the Fighters said of the win, "We really played well, although the surprise firework display in the middle of the fourth inning was a little disturbing."
On to the awards:
Clown of the Weekend: Michelle Tafoya, "sportswriter"
I was actually going to let this one slide, but the fact that ESPN thinks it is okay to let a no-talent hack like Michelle Tafoya write columns titled "Giants/Cowboys Should be Eventful" and focus entirely on T.O. and his inane antics is simply appalling. ESPN Insider in general is a joke, openly juxtaposing "expert analysis" with "latest rumors" -- sounds more like a group of old hags at a knitting convention than legitimate sports journalism. Take your swill to Cold Pizza, Miss Tafoya, and babble about rumors with Woody Paige and Skip Bayless.
Gem of the Weekend: Endy Chavez, New York Mets
Yes, I know all the Mets fans out there are probably thinking that I'm twisting the knife that was plummeted through their hearts this weekend, but that Endy Chavez catch was incredible. A perfectly timed leap, a snow-cone grab a good three or four feet above the top of the wall, and he still had the wherewithal to throw the ball to the cutoff man for the out at first base. One for the highlight reel for ages to come. But hey, Mets fans, there's always a bright side: Chavez is probably in the running for an ESPY with that catch, and if that doesn't work out maybe the Yankees can loan you guys a World Series banner or two during the off season so your rafters don't get too cold.
Comeback of the Weekend: Michigan State Spartans
It had to have been one helluva weekend at Michigan State. The Spartans came back from a 38-3 deficit in the third quarter to rally to a 41-38 victory over the unfortunate Northwestern Wildcats. The Wildcats lost their way into the record books, as the Spartans rally was the biggest comeback in NCAA Division I-A football history, which included 24 unanswered points in the fourth quarter. Pat Fitzgerald, Northwestern first-year head coach, said after the game, "It hurt very bad." Michelle Tafoya was quick to jump out of Terrell Owen's bushes near his house to churn out a column analyzing the possibility of T. O. "hijacking" the Northwestern team by transmitting video of him doing push-ups via satellite to the Wildcats locker room at halftime.
Straight Up Fool of the Weekend: Shawne Merriman, LB San Diego Chargers
My sources in the NFL have leaked info to me that Shawne Merriman has been suspended for four games for violating the NFL's steroid policy. I was appalled when I heard the news. First, I didn't know the NFL had a steroid policy. Secondly, I would assume that if they did, it would be a policy enforcing the use of steroids. I mean, do they really think that any football fans out there really believe that all of those players are freakishly ripped because they have good genes or because they eat their Wheaties in the morning? Come on. And how dumb do you have to be to get caught? Was Merriman juicing while he was taking his urine test? The use of steroids is emerging as one of the NFL's biggest problems, and the powers that be need to stop this arbitrary steroid nonsense. It's very simple: either crack down on everyone, like the MLB claims to be doing, or leave everyone alone, like the MLB has done for the last 20 years.
