What happens when the most legendary porno film of all time becomes an off-Broadway musical? Well, it sells a lot of tickets and gets some pretty rave reviews.
The plot -- that is, to the extent that pornos have plots-- surrounds the character Debbie Benton, who is invited to join the Dallas Cowgirls cheerleading squad. The story unravels as Debbie, captain of her local squad, works to raise money to get to Dallas.
How closely the musical corresponds with the 1978 movie itself, I'm not so sure. Unfortunately the Upper Valley's selection of pornography is not very substantial, and I therefore did not have the privilege of viewing the film as a means of comparison.
The musical, however, is pretty swell. A parody of porn rather than porn itself, the show is chock-full of tongue-in-cheek jabs at the stereotypical images of football players and cheerleaders. The content of the musical could be very offensive, at least in the sense that it is demeaning to women in every sense imaginable, particularly blondes and cheerleaders, or better yet blondes who are cheerleaders.
"Debbie Does Dallas" finds every way possible to play up male chauvinism and women's subordination through traditional stereotypes, but it's just plain funny. It's grossly witty in everything from raunchy sound effects to sexual puns and lewd, wanton songs. It has the same sordid humor as "The Rocky Horror Picture Show."
The disc I hold in my hands purports to be the soundtrack to the musical, but it's more like a book on tape. The 69 tracks
take you through a live cast recording of the show, which comes across pretty well via audio, leaving the visuals to the imagination. In a way, listening to this CD is the antithesis of watching a porno, since the goal there is to leave as little to the imagination as possible.
The first 42 tracks take you through the story. It begins with the girls on the squad thinking of ways to help Debbie raise money to go to Dallas. They all decide to find odd jobs -- washing cars, working at the library, et cetera -- and name their network Teen Services. I'm sure you can imagine where this is going.
Debbie is a small-town girl who's the captain of the cheerleading squad and dates the quarterback of the football team -- and all the while she's saving herself for marriage. Clearly this sets her up for the great moral dilemma that awaits her. Will Debbie sell her virginity for Dallas?
The plot thickens when Debbie decides that the $2.90 an hour she is earning working for her boss, Mr. Greenfelt, is just not going to cut it. She finds that showing him her breasts will get her places much quicker. So essentially Debbie pimps herself out to her boss $10 at a time.
She then discovers her vocation as a prostitute. Her friends think this is a great idea, because they are getting paid to do what they would do with their boyfriends anyway. The catch: no sex. When one of the girls asks the others how they will keep from being taken advantage of, they respond, "By standing firm" amidst a sea of giggles.
One of the masterpieces on this sound-track is "The Dildo Rag," which is a tap-dance routine about Roberta masturbating with candlesticks while Mr. Hardwick, her boss, pays to look on.
The climax of the musical comes when Mr. Greenfelt offers to send Debbie and all her teammates and friends to Dallas under the condition that she give it up to him on the football field. He will be dressed as a Dallas Cowboy and she as a Cowgirls cheerleader, allowing Mr. Greenfelt to live it out his lifelong dream of being a football player and sleeping with the captain of the cheerleading squad.
Debbie grapples with her morals as she considers "giving up her maidenhood" to pay her way to Dallas. Being the career-oriented girl that she is, she goes through with it. Upon reflecting on her actions, she remarks, "I can't believe I have so much money and it only cost me my soul!"
The soundtrack winds down with a track not featured in the musical, titled "Where I Need to Go." It is a moving ballad about self-discovery, testing your boundaries and perseverance. Imagine Celine Dion in a porno setting and you have the basic idea.
The end of the CD features some sing-along karaoke with Debbie and the bonus track "The Orgasm Medley," made by the cast during the all-nude recording of the soundtrack. Other future classics off the album are numbers like "I Wanna Do Debbie," "Dallas I'm Coming," "Small Town Girl," "God Must Love a Fool," "Tammy's O" and "10 Dollars Closer."
This soundtrack is absolutely hilarious, and it's spot-on accompaniment to this perfect porn parody.
