Kramer knows what's up. He's always been a few steps ahead of the rest of us. And if he were a part of Dartmouth present rather than "Seinfeld" past, he'd definitely whip us into shape, just as he's always done for Jerry, Elaine and George.
In the classic engagement pact episode, Jerry and George find themselves unfulfilled by their lives, and Kramer knows exactly what they're thinking and where they're heading: "So then you asked yourselves, isn't there something more to life?"
"Yes," Jerry exclaims enthusiastically. "We did."
"Yeah, well let me clue you in on something," Kramer tells him. "There isn't."
Kramer just might be right. This is the life we're given, and we've got to make of it what we can. Specifically, our life at Dartmouth is life, no matter how trivial or unreal we may think it is. And with that in mind, it's our responsibility to take Dartmouth debates seriously and to do our best to make the school what we want it to be.
Apathy is easy when considering Dartmouth's social and residential problems, and its eternal debate over the Greek system. Following the new arguments, which often appear to merely rehash old ones, is exhausting, if not excruciating. As Elaine says, "Who has the energy anymore?"
But we have to have the energy; we have to keep at it. If we don't make the effort to change things now, to eliminate the hostile and often hateful atmosphere of Dartmouth, it will never change. And as individuals, if we don't make the efforts now, what are the chances that we'll make the efforts later in life?
Students may argue that recent "incidents" involving the Greek system -- such as the Ghetto Party, the Psi Upsilon porch yelling and the Zeta Psi fraternity "sex papers" -- are just isolated, that they don't deserve such attention. But turning to "Seinfeld" once again, we learn that these little incidents are perhaps the most important. They are part of a larger whole.
Jerry, Elaine, George and Kramer pretty much deal only with isolated incidents. And they deal with them, well, quite thoroughly. They analyze everything, attack each conflict with complete dedication and never give up until they're satisfied with the outcome.
Their incidents may range from Elaine's being refused toilet paper in a public bathroom stall, to George not being able to see his girlfriend topless, to Kramer's addiction to fried chicken. But, as anyone who's watched the show knows, these events become completely absorbing.
While these "Seinfeld" plots and problems tend to be somewhat irrelevant in a larger scope, the ones at Dartmouth certainly are not. Still, we can learn from Jerry and the gang -- sometimes, they come up with some pretty decent words of wisdom. Jerry's philosophy on baked goods, for example, works quite well when applied to a Dartmouth context:
"See, the key to eating the black and white cookie, Elaine, is you want to get some black and some white in each bite. Nothing mixes better than vanilla and chocolate. And yet still somehow racial harmony eludes us. If people would only look to the cookie, all our problems would be solved. Look to the cookie, Elaine. Look to the cookie."
His words may be a little nave, a little overly optimistic, but Jerry's got some good points. With his idiotic observations and cookie analyses, he is indeed exposing the attitudes of a large part of American culture. And what he says can be easily translated into Dartmouth issues.
Just as racial segregation causes an atmosphere of racism, hostility and inequality, gender segregation (as in single-sex Greek houses) fosters an environment of sexism and even violence, as well as unhealthy and unnatural interactions between men and women.
If we look to the cookie, we can integrate the sexes, create coed living spaces and work towards a healthier and more comfortable atmosphere. Certainly, quite a few students -- as well as faculty members -- are dedicating themselves to this cause.
If we look to the cookie, we can discourage the continuation of an archaic system that makes the social scene so uncomfortable for students who have trouble walking into basements controlled by all men or all women.
Such separation may not be unique to our campus; no place is perfect, and people tend to gravitate toward others like themselves. But Dartmouth College need not recognize this tendency as an institutionalized and dominant social institution. The Greek houses -- fraternities in particular -- with their single-sex memberships, are violating this campus's principles of community. And just as Jerry and Elaine wouldn't tolerate it, we shouldn't either.
For there's nothing worth learning that can't be learned from "Seinfeld." Whether teaching us that Pez dispensers are hard to load or inspiring us to analyze each tiny conflict, struggling for its resolution, "Seinfeld" has taught us to make our lives what we want them to be.
And most importantly for Dartmouth, of course, "Seinfeld" has taught us to look to the cookie and live coed.
