To the Editor:
So I figured that a term away would help me get a better perspective on myself and give me a little distance from Dartmouth so I could break out of the Hanover bubble for a couple of weeks. Unfortunately, I find myself unimaginably bored, resorting to such activities as perusing online personals and yes, of course, trying to keep up-to-date with the community I tried in vain to escape.
With all the recent events back at Dartmouth, I have found myself answering to high school friends, parents, college counselors and parents' friends with kids, why I still am at Dartmouth and why I chose it in the first place. After reading the May 7th op-ed, "In Defense of Beer," by John Haskell, I find myself motivated to finally pass some boring time and share a few thoughts regarding his article.
First of all, for the love of God, tell me he doesn't honestly and truly espouse some of the things he wrote in his op-ed. Tell me that some of the things were simply little editorial comments meant to incite bored little minds like mine into action. Which things am I talking about? Well, where to begin?
"To the misguided protesters: this is Dartmouth. You knew when you enrolled that people here drink beer. If you were that against it you should have gone to Columbia and indulged in sophisticated city discourse."
Now honestly, my friend, this is Dartmouth. You knew when you enrolled that this was an Ivy League institution and that you would run into people with at least a modicum of intelligence who probably wouldn't agree with you that beer is Dartmouth's raison d'etre. We're Ivy Leaguers too. I should hope that we don't have to run off to Columbia to indulge ourselves in sophisticated discourse.
"Without the beer culture that exists at Dartmouth, people would simply smoke a lot more marijuana, and real drugs, which are all but nonexistent here, would come into style ... It is beer that saves us from the high levels of drug use that plague these schools."
Where has this genius been? Beer saves us from hardcore drugs? Oh great! Dear Mr. Drug Czar: since this whole drug war isn't going too well, my friend here has a suggestion. You know how some people do that whole condom thing for the abortion/teen pregnancy problem? Well, I think a couple kegs should take care of the drug problem. Just drop me a line and thank me later.
And drum roll please:
"Beer also prevents, to an extent, the severe abuse of alcohol."
To an extent? To what extent are you exactly referring to -- perhaps the illogical extent? I don't really have the hard statistics with me right now, but if we were to do a little tally around campus about the substance that caused the most problems around campus -- either in academics, personal life, or disciplinary action -- I'd put my money on God's good creature.
Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with beer. But holding beer as an identity, claiming beer is our saving grace, and denying the problems that it causes? Get real, my friend. The administration, the misguided protesters -- they're not against beer because it tastes like piss. Think again. It's nothing personal against a good brew. But when the brew factors into public intoxication, alcohol poisoning (which you claim is "nearly impossible" from beer), sexual assault, you have to sit back and take a little responsibility. Now maybe I'm overreacting, but I do like red and green socks, even if the author doesn't.
Here's to you, Johnny.
