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The Dartmouth
July 13, 2025 | Latest Issue
The Dartmouth

Like Scared Birds

To the Editor:

I'm glad that the College has decided to lock all the bathroom doors for female students, and lock all the outer doors in a prompt and decisive response to the recent rash of violence towards females and students in general, especially in their dorms. It is absolutely worth the hassle in the bitter New Hampshire cold to fumble about our wallets for our cards, books and whatever else in hand, just so that we know that we won't be the victim of some random chimerical crime. It's much better to get hit by lightning while we're trying to get in, which, though as likely, at least will have the full approval of the reactionary bunch who tiddle with our money. I think they shouldn't stop at the doors, though, because I think man-eating dogs will also help on the protection front, because the random killers and rapists that don't exist on our campus might be turned off by the barking, especially if some outside group that has no concept of life on the campus says so. It will do even more for the atmosphere of our campus, and remind us more that we live in fear like scared birds on dead-locked perches. I only hope that when I come back to campus this spring, every prospective student who visits will have been informed to bring their machete and Colt just in case, on their visit, and that when and if certain agoraphobic fear mongers pretend to ask for student input, they ask me, so I can cheer them on.