What can I say? A scrappy little snack has captured my heart. I have become utterly enraptured. Cheddar Chex Mix, with its peculiarly appealing amalgam of light Chex, dark Chex, pretzels and nuts, all lightly basted with a cheese flavoring, has taken hold of me. And it won't let go.
I wonder when this enthrallment first began its burgeoning in my soul. I think it to be only recently, for while I have been a longtime connoisseur of Regular Chex Mix, I cannot remember feeling this strongly before about its cheddar cousin. I may have idly picked up a bag in Topside or the Courtyard Caf, and suddenly enlightenment and complete bliss dawned upon my unsuspecting tongue. I'm not sure. Whatever the case may have been, I am now awake to the unbounded joy that resides in every small package of this unheralded food. What's not to love? It has "50 percent less fat than the leading cheese snack." Imagine--for every two handfuls of Cheddar Chex Mix, it's like ingesting three handfuls of the leading cheese snack! I am curious as to what the leading cheese snack is, so I flip the bag over, and on the back, I am further informed: "Cheddar Chex Mix (5g fat per 30g reference amount, 9g fat per 49g pouch) has 50 percent less than Cheetos cheese snacks (10g fat per 30g reference amount, 17g fat per 49g pouch)." Cheddar Chex Mix is both informative and healthy, and there is the proof! Fie on Cheetos, then! I'll bet Chester the Cheeto Cheetah never said anything about there being 10g fat in 30g reference amount of his little chubby-snack, did he?
Now that you are aware of the astounding properties of Cheddar Chex Mix, you might be thinking, "Well, such an amazing snack is probably available everywhere, right?" Not so! In the shelves of Topside, Cheddar Chex Mix is conspicuously absent. It used to be abundant; I remember many happy occasions of drifting down the hall towards Topside and scooping up a big, hearty bag of the cheddar manna. However, in recent weeks some cruel and unthinking Topside boss has pulled it from the rotation, replacing it with two rogue brands of Chex Mix: extra peanuts and nacho fiesta. What inspired this ignominy? What could possibly drive a person to abandon one of the greatest snacks of our time in favor of its bastard relations?
I have two theories concerning this heinous act. (1) The Topside potentate is a petty pissant particularly partial to peanuts, and in pleasing his pernicious perfidy, passed up the pleasant Cheddar Chex Mix and picked purveying extra peanuts in place of our poor patsy. Or,(2) The Topside nerd is a naughty, narcissistic nincompoop who noshes on nachos, and at the nadir of nutty nonsense, needled out the noble, ne'er-do-well Cheddar Chex Mix and nudged in nacho fiesta, never knowing the nastiness he nurtured.
In any case, it is time for action. I am unsatisfied having to grab my wee bags of Cheddar Chex Mix from the snack tower at the Courtyard Caf. And you should be too. For is it not a God-given right to have the freedom of access to quality snacks at a campus convenience store? In fact, Cheddar Chex Mix should be offered at Food Court, as well. What do they have there now? Bland chips. Do we want bland chips? No. Right? Right. Just think of the glorious moment in that fancied future when you, after having picked up your ranch chicken at the grill, could go to the snack shelf and complement your dish with a delicious helping of Cheddar Chex Mix. What a tempest of rich, blissful taste would explode in the depths of your very soul!
I know that I'm a dreamer, a hopeless idealist. I know that my concept of a perfect snacking world may be judged as ridiculous or even out of the question by some nay-sayers. But did not every great movement of social justice begin in this way -- scoffed at, frowned upon, regarded as utterly no-can-do? If you join me, we can craft a better existence with our mere, mortal, Cheddar Chex-filled hands. Let's make a better world.
