To the Editor:
Alright. This one took me completely by surprise. I was prepared for Homecoming and stayed clear. The Carnival was no biggie. Unfortunately, no one warned me about Green Key and the darn thing completely caught me off guard.
First, I read a column in the paper where someone defends drinking by saying that great American writers were all drunks. While this may be true, it still remains a fact that they are wrong. Let's get this straight once and for all - abuse of alcohol, by anyone, great American writers or otherwise - is still totally and completely wrong. Hemingway et al. are no doubt great writers, but they could have been so much better had they stuck to orange juice.
Ahhh..orange juice. Good old trustworthy O.J. If only the government had restrictions on drinking it and if only it were more difficult to brew and difficult to obtain. People would then have O.J kegs and things like that. It's got calcium, potassium, fiber and it does not kill your brain cells. Plus you can drink 10 gallons of O.J and still drive.
Getting back to the subject of the Green Key, I wanted to try one of the frat parties that I've heard so much about. And oh my God! It's everything that I've imagined and so much worse. As much as I hate to admit it, I did have fun, being one of the few sober persons in the house and kind of observing the proceedings. I had to leave though when people started making fun of the Coke that I was drinking. Excessive drinking, I don't have a problem with. Drink all you want - it's fine with me as long as you leave me out of it.
Now for the disgusting part: Saturday afternoon at about 3:00. Here I am walking down West Wheelock St., happy as a clam, looking at the trees...when a couple of guys flash their equipment to me and ask for my opinion. This I do have a problem with. Judging male genitalia is not a part of my standard afternoon routine. All this in broad daylight too. It's amazing just how far an Ivy League education gets you. I've often found that alcohol brings the worst out of people and I found ample evidence of this during the Green Key weekend.
Just about the only good incident during the entire weekend: I got some lemonade from a kid - for 25 cents. The lemonade was pretty darn good and she was giving away free carnations with it. I took a long walk in the cemetery and placed the flowers on one of the graves. Everything was so pretty. The key is in "green". Go out there - it's so pretty - and Bud Light plays absolutely no role in creating this wonder called spring.
Bottom line: I am so glad that the Green Key weekend is finally over. This coming weekend is bound to be quieter. I used to not have an opinion on the Trustees' decision regarding reducing alcohol consumption on campus, but now I thank them with all my heart. This has got to end.
And oh yes - if the fine young men who flashed me are reading this: I've seen better ... on cats and dogs.
