People like to play games. I'm not referring to Twister, Candyland, 7 Minutes in Heaven, or Truth or Dare. Sure, those are fun, but a more intimate and involved game does exist. What could be more intimate than Candyland, you ask? Well, I'll tell you. It starts with a look, ends in confusion, and has a lot of talk and thought in between. Give up? I'm talking about The Game. No, not the one with Michael Douglas, though I did enjoy that one very much. I'm thinking about the mind games, primarily macking, people play when there is a little chemistry involved. No mind altering substances necessary (surprised?) -- all you need is at least one other person and a few tablespoons of time. Throw in a dash of desire and you're ready to throw it into the oven. Cook anywhere from a few minutes to several weeks and you can achieve a variety of results. Proceed with caution. Too much mack can cause a relationship to become bogged down in guessing games, each player trying to outdo the other.
Relationships are about direct communication, not deciphering code. A relationship, however, usually comes in the ultimate stages of The Game. I want to focus on the primary aspects of playing The Game. Let's examine a situation I recently observed between two acquaintances of mine: Dick and Jane.
Dick and Jane have known each other for a significant time and have always been attracted to each other. Jane recently ended a long relationship with her boyfriend from home and Dick saw his opportunity to move in. The Game begins. Dick sees Jane in the library. She looks nice, like warm putty, and he has these big, strong hands to work the putty, mold it exactly the way he wants so he gets up and walks toward his objective, an artist appraising his soon-to-be masterpiece. Jane also notices Dick. He's a bunny and she's a bear with these big bear claws. Having viewed "Swingers" before studying, she is in perfect mack mode, one thought on her mind besides Elizabethan erotic poetry -- "Kill the bunny!"
. . . . . They engage in small talk -- course-load, weather -- only affording brief glimpses into each other's thoughts. Then Dick begins molding. He sincerely apologizes for Jane's recent loss and offers his support should she want to "talk." He squeezes her shoulder lightly, well-aware of the physical component of The Game and the importance of quickly establishing this element. Jane considers Dick's offer and sympathy his Achilles heel. She now has the advantage. She can decide the time, location, and context of their next meeting. She can use her perceived vulnerable condition to her advantage before throwing off her mask and revealing the bear prowess and predatory instincts she actually possesses. Jane pats Dick lightly on the leg as she tells him how much she appreciates his support and that they should definitely get together sometime soon. They part, both thinking they have the upper hand after Stage 1 of The Game.
Stage 2 begins immediately. Dick and Jane wait. They each want to talk to the other person, but neither wants to appear too interested nor overly desperate for companionship. After three days, Jane decides she can maintain her advantage if she asks Dick to dinner under the pretense of "talking." She makes Dick decide on the time and place so she has the option of changing or canceling the date should she feel the need to reappraise the situation. As the time draws near, Jane concludes she does indeed want to have dinner with Dick so she relays her desire to see him later in the evening with a phone call, to make sure they are "still on." Dick anticipates this move and doesn't pick up the phone when Jane calls. He waits for her to leave a message on his answering machine and then picks up the phone just before Jane hangs up. Using this tactic, Dick avoids the embarrassment of having to talk to Jane should she cancel the engagement. Of course Dic
k is ready for the date and still desires to see Jane. After all, he did initiate The Game.
Dinner goes well in the minds of both Dick and Jane and by the end they stand on equal ground. Dick offers to pay for Jane's meal, but she denies him this courtesy, picking up the bill for both of them. Dick is unprepared for this move, and sits stunned as he sips his coffee. Dick walks Jane back to her room, kisses her sweetly on the cheek, and says good night. The cheek kiss is a fantastic move on Dick's part because he preserves his image of sincere guy and simultaneously expresses his desire to see Jane again soon. Jane is happy with the cheek kiss because Dick cannot have any expectations of their next meeting and the pace of their relationship is in Jane's control though both are slightly confused.
Stage 3 now ensues. Dick and Jane are ready to get to know each other better as they spend more and more time together and begin to see less and less of other people. Perhaps they decide to see each other exclusively in which case The Game ends until their relationship falls apart or goes on forever.
It is important to acknowledge the lack of rules in The Game. Anyone can play. It's fun for all ages and with enough practice any individual can become a professional player, but as I stated previously, proceed with caution. It is a dangerous practice to fiddle with minds and fairly heartless besides. Both parties, as we saw in the example of Dick and Jane, should be enjoying themselves or else The Game is fun for no one. Play safe, but remember, everyone is a player and everyone is witness to the return of the mack.