You know, I swear DDS is stealing money from my DBA. Every time I turn around my point balance is like $300 lower. Is anyone else having this problem? The other day I finally figured out how to get the stupid computer to show me how I spent all of my DBA money. The list looked all nice and legitimate, I suppose. I really don't remember eating all of that food, though. I think some of the little woodland gnomes that live and play in the woods down here in the River sneak into my dorm late at night, swipe my card and go eat fro-yo.
But my rapidly disappearing DBA money isn't my only complaint about DDS. First of all, Thayer is so far away. I suppose it's not really Thayer's fault so much as it is the River's. Just going to dinner takes a full 10 minutes of my time. And then I have to walk 10 minutes back home just for the privilege of sleeping in Hinman. On an aside, would anyone else pay mucho dinero to watch F-18s napalm the River Cluster? I thought so.
Another problem with Thayer, aside from the commute, is that it seems to have this strange affinity for fake ethnic food: that is, food with an ethnic name cooked by white women whose families have lived in the woods of New Hampshire for 11 generations. Apparently all of the DDS cooks had grandmothers who loved to deck out the Sunday table with a hearty platter of General Tso's chicken. Or whatever it's called. I am not sure, but I think there are upwards of half a dozen Chinese generals honored with some type of DDS dish involving chicken.
At least the Chinese food isn't that bad, though. Every now and then -- presumably when the bits of leftover turkey and jars of chili powder back in the kitchen reach critical mass -- they make a lovely dish they call Southwestern turkey. As I said, it seems to involve turkey that cruelly and through no fault of its own got covered in chili powder. I made the mistake of getting it once. At least it came with cornbread. Some of my friends who are from the Southwest were kind of offended that DDS would suggest that that's how Southwesterners cook. A couple of days ago DDS made it again. I tried to warn off the fools who were getting it but to no avail. The DDS women were not too pleased with me. If looks could kill ...
Then they tried the ethnic food thing again, with their Mardi Gras dinner. It was actually pretty cute -- lots of theme decorations and what-not. I will admit that the ice sculpture was quite impressive. As cute as everything was, though, just looking at my plate gave me a stomachache.
I must say that the best part of the whole evening was when a tray of desserts went flying. This guy who was standing there said, "That's what you get for charging people so much!" I had to laugh. Actually, though, it probably works somewhat the other way around. Every time you are in Thayer, and you ask yourself how in God's name a peanut butter and jelly sandwich could cost like five bucks, wait 15 seconds until you hear something break.
As hard a time as everyone gives DDS, they are on the whole pretty good. At least, definitely better than the alternative, which in my case, I suppose, is eating the little woodland creatures that play down in the wilds of the River. At least, though, I don't have to walk 10 minutes to catch them.
