It's that time of year again, Dartmouthians!
You've chosen your spring courses, and now it's time to go bother the people in the Registrar's office until they let you completely change plans. In case you are still stuck with a few replacement courses to take, I have thrown together this handy compilation of great classes for this term. You may not see them in the ORC, but trust me, they're there. Just march right into the Registrar's office and demand to register for these courses. Please don't mention my name.
Women's Studies 18b: The Cucumber, the Banana and the Zucchini: Triumvirate God of Misogyny. 98S, 10A. For untold millennia, men have cultivated these produce items to perpetuate the subjugation of womankind. Now the progress women have made over the past century is threatened by multinational agribusiness firms that ruthlessly gather and distribute these phallocentric instruments of oppression to men everywhere. Two papers and an interpretive dance. Dist: SOC.
Religion 68/3: Bow Down and Worship Me, Mindless Sheep! 98S, 11. In this class, students will be charged with developing their own religion in which they are the Supreme Lord of the Universe. Attired in bathrobes and Birkenstocks and carrying large oak staffs, students will be required to go forth and convert the pagan masses to their new faiths. A considerable deal of class time will be spent perfecting proper messianic speech: "... And as Begorrah spiteth Abraham in the face, Solomon spaketh unto Job, saying, 'And let it be known there is but one True God! And he shall go among you in Birkenstocks and a bathrobe, and his name shall be calleth Bill Smith. And thou shalt worship the Lord thy God Bill! The omnipotent Bill demands sacrifice! He demands that thou shalt kill thine roommate, steal his money, and give it to Bill!'" Dist: PHR.
Music 62.5: A History of Music in Pornography. 98S, 2A. In this course, students will take a critical look at the music utilized in the adult film genre. In examining such classics as "Darla Does the Football Team," a "A Boy and the Horse Who Loved Him" and many others, we will note patterns in the type of music selected. We will analyze the typical "waka chicka waka chicka waka chicka waka chicka" harmony used to anchor down such melodic lines as "Bawmp chicka BAWMP bow..." We will discuss how these masterworks infuse a lovely essence of the '70s into the porn we enjoy every day. Dist: ART.
Chemistry 2.6667: Evil Chemistry. 98S, 9. Since not nearly enough things at Dartmouth are based on "Austin Powers," and since courses in Evil Veterinary Medicine are not yet offered to the Dartmouth-attending progeny of the Dr. Evils of the world, the chemistry department is proudly introducing Evil Chemistry. In this course, students will learn to make evil chemicals. We will begin with laboratory work aimed at producing increasingly powerful heroin derivatives for the CIA to peddle to the world's discontent proletarians. We will then move on to synthesizing a more perfect thalidomide. Although the original produced remarkable birth defects, it also had positive characteristics, such as its sedative properties, that we will attempt to remove. Finally, we will learn to engineer chemical production and disposal methods that are doomed to catastrophic failure, following the models of, respectively, Union Carbide's Bhopal plant and Occidental Chemical's Love Canal. This class is highly recommended to those intending to pursue careers in research chemistry. This type of experience, previously available only on the graduate level, is highly attractive to future employers such as Union Carbide, Exxon and the Dow Chemical Company. Dist: (Evil) SLA.
I hope these suggestions are helpful to those of you still hunting for courses. I'll probably be seeing you soon in line at the Registrar's. Of course, you won't see much, because you'll be down on the ground worshipping, or I'll whack you with my oak staff.
