Eighty percent of you won't finish reading this.
I never paid attention to the signs around campus. I never thought it could happen to me. After all I was normal, things like that didn't happen to people like me, right? Or so I told myself. I still tell myself that sometimes. The times when I try to forget that this normal girl isn't so normal anymore.
-The risk of rape is four times higher for women ages 15 to 24.
I'm not one to be motivated by issues. It's college, you're supposed to work hard and play hard. I didn't have time to worry about other things. I really didn't care. I mean I "genuinely" felt bad when it happened to someone else. I probably even worried about it for a day or so. Maybe. But then my life seemed full and hopelessly busy again, and I didn't have the time to involve myself.
It's funny how we lose track of what's really important. Now I care. Now I try to reach those people who aren't motivated by issues. I do keep trying, though. They will listen if I keep shouting, right? Sometimes I don't think so. Sometimes I just want to stop trying and forsake everything I now know. But only for a fraction of an instant. You see, the void ... it comes back.
-One in four women on college campuses were victims of rape or attempted rape.
-Eighty-four percent of those were acquaintance rapes.
He wasn't a stranger. I knew him for almost a year. We had met the previous fall in the hallway of a classroom building. We slowly became friends and even went for coffee several times.
-Fifty-seven percent of the rapes happened on dates.
He asked me to his room one evening after passing each other on the way home. He said he had something on his computer he wanted to show me.
I wasn't sure if I wanted to go; it was getting late and I needed to get home. It seemed normal at first. He sat down at the computer. I looked around the room. He stood up, pushed the chair back into me and grabbed my shoulders and threw me onto the bed.
He hit me. He called me names. Then he sexually assaulted me. Not once, but twice. He even used a condom.
Did I try to get away? Yes. But he was too strong. Did I yell? No, I was scared and confused and could not believe what was happening. I told him to stop, but he hit me and I eventually stopped saying anything.
-Only ten percent of Dartmouth acquaintance rape victims reported the assault. Just last year, 40 women reported rape or sexual harassment. This implies that nearly 400, or one out of five, women were sexually assaulted in the last few terms.
I told no one. I was too ashamed and scared to do anything.
-Only 23 percent of acquaintance rape victims considered the assault to be rape.
And maybe, just maybe it was my fault. Did I do something to convince him that I wanted him? I said no, but I didn't scream for help. So maybe it is my fault.
-Twenty-eight percent of all acquaintance rape victims considered suicide after the assault.
The night haunts me. They keep telling me things will get better, but my experience tells me otherwise. It will though, right? Tell me it will. Tell me you didn't mean to kill me that night you decided having an orgasm was more important than my life. Tell yourself that it wasn't rape. Maybe if both you and I lie enough we can forget what really happened.
-Eighty-four percent of college men who committed rape said that what they did was definitely not rape
He walked by me smiling. I wanted to die. Didn't he understand that he killed me that night? I said no. He didn't listen. I said no, and he just held tighter. Now he looks at me as if we had made love. There was no "we" in what happened. He raped me.
Acquaintance rape is a reality. Understanding that it could easily happen to you or someone you care about is the first step in prevention. Thinking about how you would respond may prevent rape.
You may think it odd to hear two guys telling you about the reality and danger of date rape. After all, we can't even begin to imagine what it would be like to be raped. Nevertheless, we resolutely believe in respecting women, and our hearts are ripped apart by such unthinkable abuse.
We're not political activists or radicals or feminists or liberals or conservatives or anything like that. In fact, we're not even associated with any of the groups that address these issues on campus. What we are is just two normal guys who have finally decided to take some time to address a real issue at Dartmouth. An issue that has affected them through the stories of friends and complete strangers. We're just two guys who have hearts that will no longer allow them to assume that "someone else" is working hard to motivate social change. That assumption stops now. And maybe tomorrow or next weekend, one fewer woman will wake up and wonder where her normal life went.
