As my good friend from Virginia Beach put it, "We are a tropical people." I think this eloquent statement holds a certain resonance for all of my Southern (and yes, it's capitalized, dammit) friends. Think of all the hardships we have to endure at Dartmouth: It's cold up here. The food is bland. People make fun of our accents. It's cold up here. People bowl with really small balls. Coca-Cola is called "soda." It's cold up here. And you can't find a decent country station to save your life. It's almost like ... another culture.
Hi, I'm from North Carolina.
Now, I need to put a few words of defense in for the South. Not everyone from the South is still fighting the Civil War ("War of Northern Aggression, etc.). Few of us actually drink Southern Comfort (I prefer Bourbon). It is illegal to marry your cousin in most of the states. A majority of us even have electricity AND indoor plumbing. The South is a lot more multicultural than you Yankees give us credit for. Each state is vehemently different from her neighbor (you could get shot for asking a Texan if she's from Georgia). These stereotypes emphasize the amount of discrimination each Southern student, (Black, White, Asian, Plaid, Methodist, etc.) suffers here at Dear Old Dartmouth.
We suffer through subzero temperatures, blizzards, and other weather that even those living as far north as Alexandria, Va. have never experienced. How does the school expect us to function in such cold weather? My family jacks the heat up if it gets below 60. I think that Southern students should get a special GPA dispensation (or at least a note on our transcripts) for the Winter term.
Let's talk about the horribly boring food (don't y'all deep fry anything up here? Heck, in Carolina, they deep fry salad). I have been wont to find half-decent fried okra, collard greens, East Carolina BBQ, or a single Hush Puppy (you have not lived until you have had Hush Puppies smothered in butter from the Salt Works in Wilmington, NC. I wouldn't argue with me on this one). I see this culinary desert (no pun intended) as another affront to Southern students. I'm sure that representatives from each Southern state have their own local delicacies that they miss and so suffer alongside me.
(By the way: a Hush Puppy is a ball of deep-fried cornmeal, not a shoe. Anyone who thought it was a shoe (don't deny it, you did) beautifully illustrates my point that Southern culture is rampantly discriminated against on this campus).
Please don't misunderstand me. I'm not going to clamor for a Dean of Southern Students (or as another of my friends said once, "how about just an advisor?"), a Southern Studies department (FSP to Orlando anyone?) or Southern-American Affinity housing. And I do not pretend to speak for all Southern students.
When I get on my soapbox about being Southern, people often ask me why I came to Dartmouth (some even ask me why I haven't left). My answer is clear: I love Dartmouth with all of my soul -- I love the campus, I love the people, and I love the fact that New Hampshire has no sales tax. Still, everyone suffers hardships of one form or another at Dartmouth. There is no typical Dartmouth student. We come from different parts of the world, different family structures, religions, and high schools. No one has it perfect.
Although I don't think that every group on campus deserves their own Dean (do you know how much Deans get paid? The overhead would be astounding!), I do support the right of anyone to complain. Just keep it in perspective. For example, as much as I would like an entire dining hall for Southern food, I know it's a bit much. I will not burden the school or the community by making such an outlandish request.
Hush Puppy and East Carolina BBQ night at Food Court once a week on the other hand ...
