I was sitting in Food Court the other day when a male friend of mine walked in and sat down across from me. We chatted for a while, but then the conversation took a more serious turn.
"Cara, do you know what my take on feminism is? Well the way I see it, most guys, especially myself, are pretty lazy whereas the women I know are all much more organized, much more motivated and more successful. I'm really frightened for my sex! In 60 years, when societal norms accept women's equal position in the work force, women are going to be the CEOs in every corporation and run all influential positions. What will happen to the men?"
Somewhat stunned by this rather bleak view of the future -- bleak if you're male, that is -- I attempted to learn the source of his concern. After all, what would prompt these musings? Apparently, he had made these observations growing up, watching his parents and their friends interact. Recently, he's become aware of similar gender trends on the Dartmouth campus, provoking his alarm.
"Even though I'm happy to be a guy," he said, "as a sex, we're going down the tubes! Women are the ones who are motivated and have goals."
As general as they may seem, his concerns are not entirely far-fetched. Society continues to uphold the attitude that "boys will be boys" while girls seldom are allowed the same disclaimer for their actions. In college, fraternity boys are expected to be anti-intellectual (at least while they're inside the houses) and unmotivated while sorority women are expected to dutifully perform community service while the organizations promote themselves as a positive means of strengthening solidarity among women.
I asked him why he thought this was occurring. He had two theories which are inter-related.
His first observation is one that many women's studies classes have discussed. Men as a sex are becoming demoralized -- they're in the midst of an identity crisis. Throughout Western history, men had roles to fill as family protector and provider but now that role is no longer guaranteed. My friend claims that his laziness (and the laziness of his fellow males) is induced by this identity crisis: they don't know what to expect, so they'll at least have fun in the meantime. Their self-esteem was whisked away along with the expectation of future family duties.
Alternately, he proposed that perhaps this laziness is innate: men view their youth and freedom more romantically than women and aim to have fun in school, rather than focus on future careers. They want to be seen as different, so they rebel in school. "They think that working hard is conformist," he said. "Girls are more practical and will continue to work hard. When boys wake up and look around at age 25, they realize what opportunities they've allowed to pass by."
I agreed with the first theory, but did not support the second. I believe that this "laziness" as he phrased it can be attributed to the result of what were historically guaranteed positions for men. There was no need for males to take high school or college seriously because they knew they would find a job afterward regardless of academic performance. Women, on the other hand, have not traditionally been guaranteed a space in the male-dominated academic world or work force, and they know they must work harder and be more organized than men if they are to succeed.
These two phenomena, in conjunction with society's increasing tolerance of women as men's equals, have led to what my friend recognized as a preponderance of successful women who are beating men in competitions of qualifications and competence.
I ran into my friend a few hours later that day and he mentioned that he'd been thinking about our conversation. "I'm not entirely pessimistic about the options for my sex. I'm sure we'll devise a new role for ourselves in the near future."
In the meantime, if you want to find him, he'll be relaxing and hiding from reality until that 25th birthday when all of life's demands will hit him.
