Just yesterday, I was walking across the street from the Hanover Inn towards the Green. I used the crosswalk and, as usual, the cars stopped for me. But as I was crossing the street, I looked at the expressions on the faces of the drivers. Boy, were they unhappy. I guess they wanted me to walk faster or something. Gosh, I was quite disturbed by the fact that drivers are no longer as friendly as they used to be. Or maybe it's just that pedestrians are becoming more obnoxious and just taking advantage of the law. Geez, this is a quandary fit for an Ivy Leaguer to undertake.
Anyway, I got across the street alive. Phew! (I love using words like this in a newspaper. After all, in this world where everything is becoming so liberal and open, why even bother with formalities in language for certain media, right?) I then realized how cold it was and how slippery it was on the Green. I mean, all that ice.
As I continued on my way to Collis, I was thinking about that gorgeous girl in my government class. Goodness gracious! I just couldn't wait until my nine started. I finally got to Collis and I signed on at the blitz machine. Well, to my surprise, as I was signing on, all of a sudden there were about 50 people standing behind me waiting for the machine. Gosh, I just hoped that I got something because I'd feel so stupid otherwise. I especially hoped that I got a reply from that gorgeous girl.
You see, I sent that girl a message the day before asking if I could borrow her notes from class because I wasn't there. In reality, I just wanted to get a reply from her. Hee, hee. Maybe even ask her to lunch later on or something.
Anyway, I didn't get any blitzes. Boy, did I feel stupid. All of those people were looking at me as if I were Satan or something. My goodness, people can be so hostile!
Well, I headed for my government class with much anticipation and there she was! Ah, what a refreshing way to start a day. But to my disgust, the ugly, heinous, in-my-face Ms. 4.0 sat next to me and smiled. Ugh!
You see, she had sent me a blitz asking me if she could borrow my notes. Well, I didn't reply and when she sent another blitz asking me, "Did you get my blitz?" I knew that the notes weren't what she had in mind. I felt like writing to her, "Dammit, yes, I did but I just don't give a damn about you, so why don't you stop blitzing me?" What I did write was, "Yes, I did." Well, I ended up surviving the rest of the class without smacking her.
The rest of the day progressed uneventfully, but as I headed home I realized that I had to write something for The D. But I didn't know what to write about. Gosh, all of these thoughts were whirling in my head and I didn't know whether I should write something down. What should I write, what should I write? Maybe I'll just write about how Jumanji is about exploitation of animals. Gosh, oh, gosh! 600-850 words to write! I just have to write something even though no one might give a damn about it! Even though I'm under no real obligation to write anything.
My brain was turning into mush and my thoughts were becoming garbled! But I managed to write something. Something. Good or not, opinionated or not, I wrote something and sent it in. Afterwards, I began to worry that maybe what I was wrote was stupid or not worthy of being printed. I began to think that maybe I should keep my thoughts to my self.
But who cares, right? After all, stupidity in newspaper is no big deal. Just as everyone's opinions are good in this world, so my writing, no matter how pointless it is, is also good and fit for printing.
Had about enough yet? If you think that I'm writing this seriously, I suggest, reader, that you get your head checked at the Dartmouth-Hitchcock Medical Center. I'd like to make my point now. During this term, there has been a trend of people writing columns that have absolutely no point to them whatsoever. Those types columns have no place in a serious newspaper such as this one. They belong in the asinine world of feel-good, anything-goes publications. If this newspaper is to maintain some kind of integrity and not become a laughingstock in the college world, it would do well for some people to refrain from sending in their garbage.
