Atthe end of Spring term 1994, I approached Dean of Freshmen Peter Goldsmith and recounted to him an incident that had occurred earlier in the quarter. I also informed him of my desire to file a complaint to the Committee on Standards. It was finals week at the time, and Dean Goldsmith advised me to submit a complaint so that I would not have to worry about it during the summer. He said the matter would be dealt with when I returned to campus in the fall. Otherwise, I would have simply waited until the beginning of fall to file the complaint.
I returned home to Texas, and I enjoyed three weeks of my first break from college life. By the third week, however, phone calls from the College at 8:00 a.m. and official electronic mail messages became commonplace. In one of my first conversations with Dean Goldsmith, he told me the other party had been told of the complaint and that the College was proceeding with disciplinary action. He asked if I would be willing to spend the money to fly up to Hanover to settle the issue.
I was appalled. My money? My summer? What happened to the understanding we had about the fall?
Among the myriad of calls I was receiving from Dean Goldsmith, I also received a call from Undergraduate Judicial Affairs Officer Marcia Kelly. After I recounted the details of the incident to her, she told me there was a very real possibility I would be sued if I chose to proceed with COS action. She made the threat loom very large in my mind, saying, "anyone and everyone involved" would be vulnerable to a lawsuit.
I felt harassed by the threat of a lawsuit and very scared. I did not have the money to hire a lawyer to go through a legal battle. I mentioned that maybe it would be best to talk things out with the other party. Her response was that these kinds of cases "never go to mediation."
Two days later, I received a call from Dean Goldsmith suggesting not mediation, but a "facilitated conversation." After talking with Kelly, I did not think any type of conversation would be a good idea. However, Dean Goldsmith was persistent. What would be the harm in it? He said going to the COS always remained an option. I could avoid getting sued. In addition, the College was offering to pay the $1,100 for the plane flight to Hanover.
Throughout the entire matter, I wanted to be as fair and cooperative as I could. I agreed to the facilitated conversation. That was a mistake. I felt in the dark, like events were being guided by forces other than my own hand. Every decision I made depended entirely on the advice and information provided by Dean Goldsmith.
Throughout the next week, I received more calls and e-mails, all of which centered around demands being placed upon me concerning the mediation. The other party wanted it confidential. I did not agree. I said I had to talk to my parents, my sister and Dean Goldsmith about what went on. Dean Goldsmith tried to convince me why it was not important for him to know about it. In addition, plane tickets were Federal Expressed to me. The school was also providing food and housing for the one night I would be in Hanover. Originally, I was to have been placed in the same residence hall as the other party. Only after I complained, did the College move me to a different residence hall. I was not told about any resource centers that I could consult while I was on campus. I had no friends, no family and no support group while I was in Hanover.
After the mediation, I was sure I was going to go to the COS. I wanted to be certain I was making the right decision. After all, Dean Goldsmith had told me it would be a shame to have wasted all this time and effort if something positive did not come of it. I talked to the mediator to try to come to a decision. I was always told the COS was an option. However, I was also told that I might not win if I went to the COS. I might not get what I wanted. I might still get sued.
In addition, the other party demanded a COS hearing in two days, for which the school would again fly me out. I was sick of dealing with the entire situation. My summer was being ruined. I did not look forward to the prospect of another 12-hour flight in which I would simply hop off the plane and tackle an emotionally draining COS hearing for which I had no support. I buckled.
In the next few days, documents were drawn up to solidify the conclusion of the mediation. I drafted a statement for the other party to sign, and the other party drew up a document for me to sign. A main issue in the document was confidentiality. Again, I did not want confidentiality. This conflict ended with Dean Goldsmith asking me to list the names of the people that I might tell of the incident. I wanted the number of people to be unlimited, but after much haggling, I agreed to his number and I never heard from him again. The phone calls stopped. The e-mails stopped.
I hadn't talked to Dean Goldsmith about this incident until he gave me a call at the beginning of this term. He said he was calling me in his capacity as my advisor. He told me there was still a possibility of a lawsuit if I -- in any way -- violated the agreements reached through mediation. I had long felt very dissatisfied and gagged by the mediation agreement and I wanted to discuss it with him.
So, this term, I have been meeting with the original participants in last summer's incident. In my first meeting, I was led to believe by Dean Goldsmith and Director of Equal Opportunity and Affirmative Action Mary Childers that I could re-file a complaint with the COS if I wanted. However, in a meeting with Kelly, she told me otherwise, citing the meditation agreement -- a document she did not possess and had never read -- as the justification. Instead, she relied upon an e-mail message sent before any mediation or conversation took place. Kelly also said she did not have nor had ever seen the amendment to my complaint that I submitted in the summer to Dean Goldsmith.
Ultimately, I have been left powerless to do anything. I cannot say anything. Although I am told the College does not formally recognize the mediation agreement, the administrators still hold me to confidentiality. Dean Goldsmith asks me why I don't just get on with my life and let other people handle this problem. Kelly implies that breaking the agreement would break my sense of honor. They all cling to the agreement to prevent the re-filing of my complaint.
Getting a case to be heard by the COS is a game. If I am misconstruing the situation -- as administrators have told me -- why was I not able to direct the events concerning my complaint? The College made it impossible for me to do so. At every turn, I encountered a brick wall, whether it be from the summer timing or the desire for confidentiality. I am a strong woman. I did fight. But events made it quite difficult to win.
