In the face of events which deny our understanding, we often fall back on our paradigmatic beliefs in order to contextualize them, to explain the inexplicable.
So when I read about Dartmouth Broadcasting's incomprehensible intention to replace the College's AM free-form radio station, 1340 WDCR, with a 24-hour news station, I turned to the paradigms which we at Dartmouth use to understand our world. Here are a few attempts to make sense of this bizarre turn of events:
1) The Freedman Conspiracy/Dartmouth Undying theory: This plan represents yet another attempt of Dartmouth President James Freedman and his lackeys to destroy the essential character of our venerable institution. By replacing 1340 "Indian Radio" with 24 hour-a-day P.C. propaganda, the Freedman-Luxon-DAGLO triad is trying to brainwash the College into accepting their plan to expand the campus north to Lyme, and house the Freshmen in a segregated dorm next to the new graduate schools.
2) The Report of the Student Assembly Communications Subcommittee's Task Force on College Radio: The College's plan to end WDCR's alternative format, in conjunction with the conversion of Webster Hall (our only intermediate-sized venue for intellectual and cultural events that involve hypnotists) represents the end of Dartmouth as we know it. Rather than cut musical programming, we respectfully request that the College raise an additional $130 million to create a new 24-hour college news service which will broadcast in real time over a new Dartmouth infotainment interbahn.
3) Notes from the basement: While few of us on the IFC-CFSC-AFL-CIO actually listen to World Music, we are sure that if we did (and don't stereotype us by implying that we don't) it would help us fulfill minimum standards. The College's attempt to subvert the legitimate expression of mainstream Dartmouth is part and parcel of the continued campaign to undermine the Greek system and marginalize its members. The College knows that no one will join Greek houses if they are exposed to national news during their freshman year.
Unfortunately, none of these explanations suffices. I favor the theory that Dartmouth Broadcasting management is being affected by pernicious chemical fumes escaping from the locked theater on the third floor of Robinson Hall. Why else would the College be in such a hurry to "renovate"?
Seriously though, I consider WDCR an oasis in the sea of rancid classic rock that is Hanover. It is my only reliable source of new and different music. New Hampshire and Vermont Public Radio already provide in-depth news that is clearly superior to the CNN and the Associated Press feeds that WDCR is considering, and on any day you can find two or three different newspapers in the recycling bin at The Hopkins Center. Plus, talk shows are already part of the WDCR fomat.
But I hope you can see that however you look at WDCR's proposed change in format, the College community (and our neighbors) will lose out if Dartmouth Broadcasting pushes forward with its ill-advised plan.
