Relationships at Dartmouth. Love at Dartmouth. Sounds like an oxymoron, doesn't it?
The biggest problem here is the way people view each other. Everything is based on image. People tend to make decisions on what they hear, and not on what they know to be true.
If one of your friends said someone has slept with a lot of people, would you believe it? Of course you would. At Dartmouth, rumor becomes truth, which becomes image. We have a friend who was once "hit on" by another person. She didn't do anything with the other person, but now he says they slept together. What happens next? There goes her image. Rumors and false perceptions spread quickly here.
Some people on this campus will only date those who belong to certain houses or to certain cliques. These are the social-climbers. They won't give others a chance because of their social position. Perhaps it has a lot to do with our tendency to go for only the best. We go to an Ivy League college, we've always been the best, expected the best and gotten the best. It seems superficial to just go for looks only. But that's the way it is. There are a lot of disheartened people out there who believe that they aren't good enough to ask some one out on a date. Nevertheless, relationships are a great thing -- if you can get in a good one, congratulations.
For the women, from a man: It's kind of funny listening to some women complain that they can't meet a nice guy at Dartmouth. I listen and think of a lot of my friends who would fit into this category. You complain about how guys treat you. I see you out at parties hooking up with random men who end up: 1) ditching you; 2) using you; 3) treating you like dirt; or 4) all of the above. And then I introduce you to the nice, decent looking guys I know and what do you do? Turn up your noses. Hey, all men at Dartmouth don't have testosterone problems. Get to know us before you decide to blow us off.
Another question I have: The most mind-boggling aspect of women here is that you freak out when someone is actually being nice to you. Is it something to do with the perception that being nice isn't natural on this campus? Or is it you just don't like people being nice to you? I think it has to do with perceptions. It's as if being sincere to a person is equated with having ulterior motives. You have to remember that people can really be nice.
Conclusion: Women are more mind-boggling than men. Just can't understand them. (Uh oh ... is that politically correct to say?)
For the guys, from two women: All right, relationship-shy guys, listen up. The fact that we flirt with you in frat basements does not necessarily mean that we want a serious relationship. We don't see you across the room and start thinking of china patterns, bridesmaids and baby names. We think we speak for all women when we say that what we want most is to be treated as human beings, as you would want your sisters to be treated. We aren't meat, we aren't statistics and (surprise, surprise!) we do have brains.
We are people with the need for human contact. The only opportunities we have for interaction with you seem to be in fraternities; we are in your territory, the rules are yours. What other viable social options do we have? Do you expect us to trade our bodies for bad beer?
It would be easier if you'd be honest with us from the start. It's fine to tell us that you'd just like to be friends, that this hook up isn't the start of some massive relationship, that maybe we can just have lunch sometime. You'll probably find us grateful for your honesty, and maybe even relieved. Because when it comes down to it, do you really think that we'd spend these years, the only four years we have in college, having serious relationships with men who urinate on the basement floors of their homes? Come on, we're here to have fun just like you are.
Yeah, yeah, so all three of us are complaining. We know that this column won't do much but what the hell, why not try? If you get anything out of this, we hope it is these two points that would make life here at Dartmouth a lot easier:
Treat everyone like you'd like to be treated.
Get to know people and don't be afraid to date.
We're optimists. Remember, we're all part of the Dartmouth family.
