Dating at Dartmouth is extremely perilous territory. Perhaps this is why so few people bother to do it at all.
One of the things I have noticed since my matriculation at Dartmouth is that a woman just does not get asked out here, even for so much as a cup of coffee or a drink. She has asked some of her male friends why this is so. Their initial response is usually something like, "Well, we can never tell if women here actually like us," or "No one's interested in dating here." Perhaps this is where the "Cold Beer, Cold Weather, Cold Women" T-shirt comes from.
So the "nobody's interested" perception works both ways. Upperclassmen are seen as too busy with their Greek houses and other interests, and upperclasswomen are seen as just plain busy, perhaps with their Greek houses too. At any rate, one is hard pressed to find a woman who comes to Dartmouth for her M-R-S. (Phew!)
What's the problem, then? Well, one answer is that there is no problem. It is wonderful that, unlike many other schools, at Dartmouth you do not need a date for a football game. You always find yourself "dressing down," if anything, not dressing up to attract members of the opposite sex. People may complain that the fraternity basement scene is a meat market, but compared to what I have witnessed in high school, at other colleges and at bars at home, Dartmouth has a relatively comfortable atmosphere. Many women here object more to the mung and the filth of the fraternities rather than the personalities of individual brothers themselves. Some may argue that these things are not mutually exclusive, but the Greek system debate is too lengthy and too tired to be reprinted here.
While the skewed gender relations that the Greek system helps to exacerbate are admittedly one of Dartmouth's problems, we would probably not have such a strong Greek system at all were it not for the College being in the middle of nowhere. Of course this is one of Dartmouth's most endearing traits, which most people would not want to change. However, Dartmouth's isolation lends a certain magnifying effect to whatever dating may in fact go on.
For instance, if a man wants to follow the "safe lunch, dinner, white man's overbite" route outlined by "When Harry Met Sally," he must start by knowing that even a safe lunch may be witnessed by thousands of his closest friends. This undoubtedly adds to the nervousness he may already have. By merely asking someone to accompany him to the Dirt Cowboy Cafe, 5 Olde, or even a movie at the Nugget, he leaves himself totally exposed. "Oh my God, he must have a huge crush on you!" her female friends say. Only at Dartmouth does the prospective offer of a cup of coffee, a drink or a single movie elicit wild speculation as to a person's romantic interests. Can't anyone get to know another person in peace? It is difficult to expand one's circle of friends and prospective love interests beyond the freshman year crew if we don't have the courage to get out there and date each other.
Unfortunately, it seems that many Dartmouth students do not realize the value of dating until late in their careers, and by then many come to the conclusion that it is too late. This is silly. Dating is a valuable institution that came into being for a good reason: people need to get to know each other in an informal setting before they get serious. Think of the social composition at Dartmouth: there are a few established couples, and a vast majority of single people. This is because for most people, love doesn't hit you over the head like a lightning bolt and tell you which person is the right one. More often, these things take time and effort to develop.
A male friend has said that by not dating in college, he is missing out. I cannot help but agree. If we're all putting off marriage until who-knows-when, there is no reason we should be so afraid of asking each other out on casual dates.
One last thing: this article will probably generate some heated responses on the active-male/passive-female dynamic that has been heretofore described. This is not because I advocate such a thing - rather, it is because this is the dynamic I have most often heard about from both sexes. As a matter of fact, one thing that would help the Dartmouth social scene quite a bit would be for women to stop waiting for men to come to them, and instead make a few overtures of their own. In addition, it is clear that the generalities outlined here are derived from a sample of my mostly white, heterosexual friends. Obviously this leaves out a significant sample of Dartmouth students about whom I do not feel qualified to write. I hope that nonwhite and/or homosexual students will contribute their views on the subject as well.
It is easy to laugh off dating as a trivial matter, but in fact it is the method by which we will all eventually find our partners in life, so we might as well get used to it. Doesn't it seem ridiculous to come to college for four years and pretend that romantic relationships just don't matter? It is no secret that there is plenty of sex going on at Dartmouth; it would be nice to see a little love as well.
