"To be or not to be"- that is my eternal question. Shall I be a millionaire by 30? Shall I be a world renowned politician or architect of people, enjoying fame and power?
Or shall I seek fulfillment in personal life, marriage and family? Shall I seek first the Kingdom of God, so that all things shall be added unto me?
This is my dilemma, and I am sure that some of you share it. I have had my heart cleft in twain by these two ambitions for so long that I wonder if you are truly surprised or even amused. I mean that these are all too familiar thoughts for me.
The Last Poets, the originators of hip hop, once said that "time is running out!" And it is. I don't have four more years of high school to divine my destiny - neither do you. I don't even have four more years of college to contemplate my condition! This summer I must start to mold my destiny. I must give it form and direction, and I must be as prepared as a potter of clay to spin and shape it, mold it, and perhaps to begin again.
I fear the stories are true. Those who are "successful" and great really never mean to be so great. And don't tell me that "it all depends on how you define success!" That's a lie. You know what it is and I know what it is. It is that thing that people steal and kill for, live and die for, hit and run for, jack and con for, wheel and deal for, sin and pray for.
I fear that the true mark of success is inviolate, virgin serendipity - a luck, so to speak, that truly will add all things unto you, after you have shown yourself to be brave and enduring.
I fear that life is like a motion picture, with an introduction, rising action, climax and resolution, and that I will wrestle my angel of fortune to the ground as I sacrifice, at the climax, that very quality that would add riches and glory unto me. Will my flaw reveal this story as a tragedy?
I cannot answer these questions, but I thought I should ask them nonetheless. Perhaps now is not the time and I am not in the right place to question such things of you, but I can prepare myself for the day the answer comes. For one day, the answer must come, and it will be or it will not be. Amen.
