The Draft Board
Round 1
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Round 1
The editors of the Homecoming Issue of The Dartmouth have asked me to write a Homecoming column because this weekend is the one where everyone, you know, comes home. I am of course perfectly happy to do this, but a columnist can only write about the same weekend so many times in a career. This is why so many writers move on to subjects like politics when they get old. It's not that they become uninterested in the social hierarchy of a small college's Greek system, it's just that they've exhausted all possible words to describe it.
Look, I don't know why Green Key weekend is called Green Key weekend, or what it's supposed to stand for or when it originated, but I'm pretty sure that it was NOT originally intended to be just a celebration of drunkenness. Disgusting college behavior can be enjoyed on any weekend, so why not make this one special and different? Instead of donning a toga, go out on the Green and play badminton with some kids from White River Junction who may or may not have learning disabilities. They'll get a kick out of the activity and your resume will look exponentially more impressive. Or perform a Random Act of Kindness on a day that isn't Random Act of Kindness Day. Now that's random!
When I was two years old, I received a set of U.S.A. hockey replica pajamas, and I didn't take them off until I was four. That's how much beating the communists meant to me. In fact, beating the Soviet Union in the 1980 Olympics at their own sport on our ice meant a great deal to many Americans.
Despite some flaws, Finding Nemo is the best animated film about marine life. So it's better than The Little Mermaid.
So you're leaving college or high school or middle school early for the NBA draft and you need some advice on how to make the transition a smooth one. Well you came to the right place, dawg. I've prepared a list of frequently asked questions to help ease youngsters into the professional basketball scene.