The 11 Types of Floormates You Encounter at Dartmouth

By Justin Kramer | 10/17/17 9:24pm

At some point throughout our Dartmouth careers, we’ve all had an array of floormates, whether it was in our first-year or upperclassmen dorms. Here’s a completely accurate account of the types of floormates we have, especially for first-year students who spend more time than most in the dorms (#FratBan).

NATIONAL LAMPOONS ANIMAL HOUSE, John Belushi, 1978. ©Universal Pictures/courtesy Everett Collection

The Roommate(s)

The majority of students will have a roommate or roommates throughout their time here. Your roommate can take on any variety of roles, ranging from “that person who also happens to be in your room when friends come over,” to your “in” at parties, all the way to your best friend.

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The Party Room

Nearly every floor has at least one pregame spot where the floor crowds before going their separate ways for the night. If you’re all going out together, even better!  

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The Convenience Friend

Freshman year especially, these friends are very common. Don’t want to go to a meal alone? That’s what these friends are for!

The Man or Woman of the Night

There are certain floormates you never see after dinnertime. Where do they go? Only when you decide to stay out past 2 a.m. do you see them at a random party, but never on your floor itself.

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The Smoker

You come home at the end of the day, by now immune to the body odor permeating the hall. But occasionally, you come home to other, less ordinary smells. Everyone knows whose door to knock on to let them know that their vape god status is well-established and that you saw S&S downstairs. 

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There are so many different types of UGAs, but in all likelihood yours fits into one of three categories

1. The ones who shut down a party because the Cards Against Humanity game is too vulgar. They can sniff anything — Febreze, cinnamon, wet paint — they’re barging into your room hoping to bust a party.

2. The ones who literally join in on the party. You frequently find them chilling with “The Smoker” or “The Party Room.”

3. A mix of both! Most UGAs fit into this bubble, busting you if they have to, but trying to be reasonable and good friends when they can be.

The Athlete

You don’t always see the varsity athlete much beyond the weekends, and when you do they’re often either exhausted or complaining about lift the next morning. On a good night, you’ll catch them when they don’t have practice the next day. You’ll never find a happier floormate.

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The Mathlete

You don’t see the mathlete much during the week, or on weekends for that matter. It’s a celebration when they decide to be adventurous for the night and walk out of their room all the way to the stacks.

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The Music Blarer

You’ve never actually talked to this person, other than knocking for five minutes straight to get their attention so they’ll turn down “Mr. Brightside” while you work or nap.

The One You Only See in the Bathroom

There are so many places you could see this person — at Foco, walking down Main Street, even in your hallway — yet you only see them in the bathroom. If your dorm room has a private bathroom, hopefully this type of floormate does not exist for you.

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The Sexual Tension Pair

Any floor has to have at least one pair with UST (Unresolved Sexual Tension). The drama is dangerous because any misstep and the two have to make awkward eye contact the rest of the year. But it’s also wildly entertaining, since their proximity ensures awkward moments occur frequently.

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Justin Kramer