Roster for NARPs

By Angela Zhang | 10/5/16 11:51am

It’s easy to spot an athlete. You can identify them around campus with fresh Nikes and monogrammed backpacks, and you can check the online roster to learn their life story. But, don’t you wish there was an easier way to spot a nondescript NON-athlete? Ever wonder what else they do aside from speed-walk on the treadmills in the NARP gym? Meet some of the newest NARPs for the 2016-2017 season:


Position: Prostrate
Year: Sophomore
Hometown: Palo Alto, Calif.
Freshman (2015-2016): Supported for The Fifty … Regularly broke out the Trips dance… Went 5-0 in pong 16S … Lived in the River.
Personal: Enjoys “doing work” in upstairs Foco, otherwise known as the NARP Castle.


Position: Warrior 1
Year: Freshman
Hometown: Cleveland, Ohio
Before Dartmouth: Four-year letter-winner in cookie eating … Sometimes left room and didn’t get too winded … Last time she went on a run a Bush was in office.
Personal: Appreciates the outdoors from the comfort of her room … Pursues every frat dog in sight.


Position: Crouching
Year: Sophomore
Hometown: Charlotte, N.C.
Freshman (2015-2016): Never lost a fracket … Continuously dabbed for 10 minutes in TDX … Woke up in time for 7:45 Drill and still had time to brush her teeth.
Personal: Enjoys documenting her trials, tribulations and escapades on her Finsta.


Position: Criss-cross applesauce
Year: Junior
Hometown: Jersey City, N.J.
Sophomore (2015-2016): Sat on light side Foco for majority of her meals … Ordered a dry tender queso … got over 20 likes in Free Food @Now.
Freshman (2014-2015): Walked up and down stairs to Stacks 6 … Worked the front desk of Alumni Gym … tried out for cricket B team.
Personal: Former Dartbeat editor now washed up and trying to make it in London. She spends most of her time pulling up her pants.


Position: Assistant to the Regional Manager
Year: Senior
Hometown: Wellesley, Mass.
Junior (2015-2016): Did not play.
Sophomore (2014-2015): Usually got in her daily 100 steps … Endured KAF lines every day after her 9L … Only chases with Capri Sun.
Freshman (2013-2014): Went to 4fb without the elevator … Pulled three consecutive all-nighters with only one bag of Novack dark chocolate espresso beans.
Personal: Enjoys listening to whale calls and praying for the KAF employees to remember her name.


Position: En Pointe
Year: Senior
Hometown: Wellesley, Mass.
Junior (2015-2016): Binge watched all of GoT in two weeks … Changed major twice and is still graduating on time … Completed Ledyard Challenge.
Sophomore (2014-2015): Holds record for most pong saves … Sent five flitzes.
Freshman (2013-2014): Stormed the field during Homecoming … Took a Zumba class … Carried four Foco plates and a mug simultaneously without spilling.
Personal: Currently looking for a job that includes excellent sleeping skills and a proficiency in binge-watching Netflix. Contact her via LinkedIn InMail.


Position: Unbiased
Year: Senior
Hometown: Hermosa Beach, Calif.
Junior (2015-2016): Played a round of mini golf at Ice Cream Fore-U … Went canoeing along the river … Did the Polar Plunge in Occom Pond during Winter Carnival.
Sophomore (2014-2015): Did not play.
Freshman (2013-2014): Consumed an entire large EBA’s pizza doused with dragon juice alone … Set record for longest breath held in TDX basement.
Personal: Once upon a time, she cared. Alas, she no longer does.


Position: Face-planted
Year: Sophomore
Hometown: Barrington, R.I.
Freshman (2015-2016): Used every single meal swipe while on the 20 … Didn’t pull a single all-nighter … Played Spikeball occasionally.
Personal: If hiking were a sport, he’d be as bad as his neck beard.


Position: Handstand

Year: Junior
Hometown: Nantucket, Mass.
Sophomore (2015-2016): Completed Lou’s Challenge twice … Frequently visited friends at the Lodge.
Freshman (2014-2015): Made it on time to his 10 in the LSC from his 9L in the BVAC … Tried out for Ultimate Frisbee.
Personal: Off this term learning how to be just as bad at school in England as he is in America.


Position: Downward Facing Dog
Year: Sophomore
Hometown: Belvedere, Calif.
Freshman (2015-2016): Ran 19 laps around the Homecoming bonfire … Was never golden-treed … Consumed 10 mozz sticks at LNC without breaking a sweat.
Personal: Enjoys hanging out in the armchairs on FFB.


Position: Fetal
Year: Sophomore
Hometown: Danville, Calif.
Freshman (2015-2016): Passed swim test on second try … Spent three straight hours at GDXmas … Outran HPo during frat ban.
Personal: Plans on napping in Ledyard hammock … Enjoys FFB ambient noise … Sriracha enthusiast.

Angela Zhang