Courses That Should be Offered 16X

By Parker Richards | 5/5/16 10:19am

Screen Shot 2016-05-05 at 4.18.49 PM

Economics 43.601: Market Realities of the French Prison System in the Mid-Nineteenth Century (x-list: Comparative Literature 97)

There’s a lot of tension in prison economics today, but nothing can ever come close to the feud between Jean Valjean and Javert. This course will explore in-depth the underlying market functions and cost breakdowns of the French prison system circa 1830-1860, all through the lens of literary works like “Les Misérables” and “The Count of Monte Cristo” (for some reason, 19th-century French authors were really into putting dudes who didn’t deserve it in prison).

English 39.4: Snape Studies

“Turn to page 394… now,” your professor intones in his best Alan Rickman impression as the class lets out a whimper of terror. Dartmouth’s first course based solely on the work of J.K. Rowling, this class will cover all kinds of key concepts, such as “Snape kills Dumbledore,” “why Harry Potter is an ungrateful little twerp” and, of course, “how Snape did nothing wrong, saved everyone and was magically forgiven for being an ass cravat for six straight years.”

Chemistry 39.07: Ethers, Elixirs and Alcohol

Taught by College President Phil Hanlon himself, this amazing course will cover all the reasoning behind the hard alcohol ban, from Russian distilling plants to moonshine in a Kentucky forest. Filled with fun, field trips, and a mustache to rival Chester A. Arthur, this course is not to be missed.

Geography 33: The Ledyard Challenge (x-list: Physical Education: Advanced River Swimming)

Finally, a definitive course on how to complete the Ledyard Challenge! Your final? Well, that’s obvious: the challenge itself. Taught with hands-on experimentation, swim lessons, basic lifeguard training and frequent trips to the Connecticut River, Geography 33 is one of the best courses in Dartmouth’s under-appreciated, “other” social science.

Art History 13: The Unluckiest of Fashions: Khakis, Sperrys and the Dartmouth Bro Aesthetic

Finally, so overwhelmed by the ugly clothing they see on a day-to-day basis, the denizens of the art history department have decided to chronicle all the evils of Dartmouth men through a close historical examination of their fashion trends, from President Kennedy to the douchebags you see at the Hop.

Writing 19: IDK, YOLO, FML: A Guide to Texting Abbreviations

Are you always wondering what your friends are texting you? Don’t know what they mean by “BRB” or “ROFL”? Well, this is the class for you. We’re assuming Jen Sargent will teach it, because honestly, it just seems like the sort of thing the Sarge would do.

Linguistics 87.02: History of Quenya, Sindarin and the Noldor Languages

An advanced linguistic study of Tolkien’s elvish languages from his famed “Lord of the Rings” trilogy and “The Silmarillion,” this course is not for the faint of heart. Requiring extensive prerequisites in the linguistics department, this is one of the hardest courses ever offered during summer term. Take it at your peril.

Astronomy 8: Carl Sagan, Extraterrestrials and Our First Contact

Through the work of the great astrobiologist Carl Sagan, this course will examine the potential for extraterrestrial contact, life forms and what might happen if humans come in contact with aliens. Half of it is just watching the short film “Wanderers” (2014) by Erik Wernquist and, honestly, your intrepid reporter is totally fine with that.

History 79.2: Winning Arguments by Comparing People to Hitler: A Historical Perspective (x-list: Women and Gender Studies 88)

One of the most timely classes offered at the College in recent years, this course will analyze internet arguments, the tendency of people on all sides of the political spectrum to compare their opponents to Adolf Hitler and the actual propaganda techniques of Nazi Germany’s Reich Ministry for Propaganda and Enlightenment.

College Course 10.04: Game of Thrones (x-list: Film and Media Studies 97.1)

You literally just watch “Game of Thrones.” That’s it. They might talk a bit about how David Benioff went to Dartmouth, but honestly, I doubt it.

Parker Richards