By The Dartmouth Web Staff | 3/4/16 7:42am

’18: “I was pooping in the Walmart bathroom and out of nowhere someone starts trying to open the stall door. And when it doesn’t open, this little boy crawls under the stall door, sees me and crawls back out.”

’18: “Allen will win but East Wheelock will catch the snitch.”

’16: “Ted Cruz had no friends. I mean, should I feel bad for a person like that? 'Cause there’s definitely a reason he has no friends.”

’16 to KAF cashier: “Howdy! Oh, why did I say that…”

’16 on his frat:“We ARE the male version of Kappa.”

’18 #1: “I think I should go back to my room now and go to sleep.”
’18 #2: “I was just about to order EBAs.”
’18 #1: “On second thought I think I should stay.”

’19: “Don’t show him my friend’s vagina! You’re my boyfriend!”

’19: “There will be no deep throating tonight.”

'18: “Sniffing paint thinner? Yeah, I don’t really do that anymore. I really don’t. But I’m way closer with my aunt now.”

’18 on FFB: “Studies have shown that smart people tend to have more sex, drink more and do more illegal drugs. And I’m just like, by that criteria, I’m a dumbass.”

’16: “I want to hold the Murphy’s owner at gunpoint until they bring back the falafel.”

’16: “I got super drunk and made toast. Then I put the toast in my pockets.”

The Dartmouth Web Staff