23 Things Less Time-Consuming Than Sorority Rush

By Stacy Livingston, The Dartmouth Staff | 1/14/16 6:10am

Cover photos are changing, bad puns are being made, and “what you know” is being thrown. It’s women’s rush season again at Dartmouth, and whether you’re affiliated (rad), unaffiliated (rad), rushing (rad), not rushing (rad), shaking out (rad) or a dude safely removed from this process (also fine, I guess), I think we can all agree that GLOS sorority rush takes a ton of time.

Here are a few less time-consuming activities:

  1. Un-liking all those regrettable Facebook pages from 2009
  2. Waiting in the Hinman line at rush hour
  3. Your homework
  4. Getting on table as a ’19 male
  5. Listening to “Hello” 2,035 times in a row

  1. Getting certified as an officiant and joining a couple in holy matrimony
  2. Running 219 laps around the bonfire (even on crutches)
  3. Learning every lyric to “We Didn’t Start the Fire” (1989) by Billy Joel
  4. Building an intricate bird house in the woodshop and mailing it to your lover
  5. Trimming Phil Hanlon’s hedges into a perfect topiary replica of John Belushi

  1. Learning a second language
  2. Forging the one ring to rule them all in the fires of Mount Doom
  3. Corporate recruiting
  4. Building a custom kayak so you can take your dogs on adventures

  1. All seven of the Dartmouth seven
  2. Sanding off your own fingerprints to become an international supercriminal
  3. Qualifying for, playing in and ruining a friendship due to Masters

  1. Finding all the ten-dollar words in peoples’ theses
  2. Untangling your headphones
  3. Reading James Joyce’s Ulysses
  4. Building up an immunity to iocane powder

  1. Getting certified to scuba dive
  2. Being left behind by your boat tour on a diving expedition, watching your husband be eaten by a shark and slowly coming to realize that you are doomed to a life of loneliness

Stacy Livingston, The Dartmouth Staff