Stuff Dartmouth Kids Like: To the ’18 With My Hinman Box
Hi. You don’t know me, and we’re probably never going to meet. By the time you’re reading this I will have left Dartmouth (if I take my swim test in time), and you’ll be matriculated. Congratulations!
Make sure you have a team. College is crazy – I mean when you think about it, you’ve put 4,000 hormonal kids looking for direction together in one place, aided by golden rivers of Keystone and a propensity for running around in outfits that make no sense – weird things are bound to happen. Going to a place where everybody knows your name isn’t overrated. Maybe it’s your frat basement, maybe it’s your thesis subgroup, maybe it’s the kids you eat weekly Sunday brunch with. Find your people – you’ll need them.
It is okay to drink Zhenka at this stage in your life. If you are still drinking it a year from now, reexamine your priorities.
Carve out your own little nooks here. Try to find your happy places, the little crannies of campus that are just your own. Dartmouth moves quickly, and once in a while you’re going to need to stop and take stock.
FOMO is okay. Letting FOMO take over your life is not. Take alone time now and then or else your life will become a miserable, facetimed-out nightmare.
Before your first bonfire, go outside and stand on the lawn in front of Baker Tower. Just look at the Green, and take a deep breath. Somehow, every year, before the freshmen run around in circles, the air manages to smell like fire. It’s like the Green remembers. And don’t get too drunk beforehand. You’re going to want to remember it for the rest of your life.
If someone tells you you’re twos on line, that means there’s one game that has to happen after the current one on table before you get to play. Try not to hit low.
When it’s sophomore year, try to get some perspective. It’s hard to step back and remember that in a year, nobody is going to give a crap about what house you’re in or how your frat is ranked on Bored at Baker (see below), but try. Try to remember that your letters do not even come close to defining who you are or who you can be. Your friends will stay your friends no matter what your affiliation, and if they’re not, they’re pretty crappy and you’re probably better off without them. And for the love of Phil Hanlon, never use the term “A-side” unironically outside of a rugby context.
Don’t be intimidated by Collis pasta or stir-fry. But please make sure you’re not figuring it out for the first time when you’re in line.
This one’s important. They say that on your deathbed, you’ll never wish you spent more time at the office, but it’s not true. It is too easy to get lost here, to spend your days playing pong and nothing else. Keep your head above water. Go to the library. Work your ass off. Stay in sometimes. Trust me, you’ll regret it if you don’t. That being said, if you spend your days in 1902, you’re going to miss out, too.
Don’t read Bored at Baker. Or do if you must, but don’t take it seriously. Don’t let it get to you. There is almost nothing on it worth your attention or worry, and there is very little that is positive that you’ll get from it. Read something more productive that may actually contribute to your life, like the New York Times. Or BuzzFeed.
At 6 p.m. every day, if you ever feel lonely or scared or like you need something to keep you from floating away, stop walking wherever you’re going or doing what you’re doing and listen. It will connect you to all the years before you, all the people who have walked these paths before you and before me.
I spent four years at Dartmouth. You will, too. It changed my life, and I hope it changes yours. Good luck, and welcome home.