The Hook Up: It's Not Just You
Technical Difficulties: It’s Not Just You
It may because I am a proud owner of a vagina, but I have heard the discussion of the elusive nature of the female orgasm more times than I can count. That’s not to say this isn’t an important issue; it is indeed trickier to figure out what makes a vagina tick than a penis, even if we ignore our societies’ troubled history with female sexuality. But what about when a guy can’t come? What do you do when your penis will not stay hard? Why won’t anyone think about the men?
On AskMen.com, there is advice on how to fake a male orgasm, an act usually reserved for a lady bored of ineffectual jackhammering or expectant glances up from in between her legs. Reading the article, I flashed back to a scene in a frat bathroom (the site of many of my best conversations). My friend was explaining from the bathroom stall that her new boyfriend was apparently unable to orgasm.
“I can’t break up with him because of it,” her voice floated over the door. “But every time we hook up, we both just end up frustrated.”
And then, there is the more common problem of maintaining boners. For some reason, the stereotype persists among men and women that college-aged men’s penises are always up and ready for action. However, few are strangers to the hook up that finishes uncomfortably due to a dick that won’t stay hard.
Good news: Hook-ups don’t have to end this way! The assumption that malfunctioning penises are an issue reserved to the over-60 set leads to a weird blame game when it actually happens with people our age. If you pull down the boxer shorts to see a less than stiff banana, don’t blame yourself. Same if a guy isn’t going to cum. It is not due to some deficiency in sexiness on your part, so don’t take it personally. Don’t blame the man with the technical difficulties either; no one can control these things. Finally, please do not use this as a reason not to wear condoms. A latex coat might make some dicks less than agreeable, but not as much an STI would.
So what should you do? First of all, don’t freak out. Whether it is your own penis or a partner’s, this is a common and natural problem. Flipping out will only increase stress levels and make the dick even less likely to obey the brain not only now but also next time. Take a deep breath, acknowledge the issue and move on. Your cock’s being temporarily out of commission doesn’t mean your fingers and mouth can’t help your friend enjoy him or herself!