Dear Freak of the Week,
I was interested in a guy at the end of the spring and asked him on a date. We went and I thought the vibes were good. We agreed to stay in touch, but then a mutual friend of ours told me that the guy wasn’t interested, and that I should drop it. I ended up not texting him, and he didn’t text me. Fast forward to this fall, and now this guy has a friend that I also think is cute. Do you think it would be “homie hopping” if I asked out this guy for a date? I feel like he’s one of my only good options right now.
Sincerely,
Homie Hopper
Don’t you just love the Dartmouth community? We’re all so close, it’s almost like one happy family. Maybe more like a dysfunctional, incestual high school friendgroup. As a senior, this dynamic has become especially apparent to me. It can be hard not to be in everyone else’s business, especially now that all of the ’27s have had three years to get to know each other. There have been multiple occasions just in this first part of the term in which acquaintances I don’t consider myself particularly close with have told me either intimate details of their personal romantic life or idle gossip about their or someone else’s personal life.
I think that you asked Leila and I this question because you knew that we were going to say that you should definitely ask the friend out. I cannot remember the last time we told someone that they shouldn’t go for it. If this was your strategy, congratulations, it worked. You should definitely text the friend, but I’m going to give you a couple of warnings about what might happen as a result of it.
First of all, depending on how close they are, these people will almost definitely talk to each other about you. If they are in the same friend group and regularly interacting, I find it hard to believe (unless he really likes you) that he’ll somehow keep the text a secret and just go on a date with you without at least asking the friend what the vibe is. They may even make some jokes about it. I would also add another caveat –– are they in the same fraternity or tight knit student group? Depending on which it is, word may travel fast through this specific group about what has happened.
Although I doubt most reasonable people will label you a full blown homie hopper for a move like this, you should consider whether the reality I described above is something that you’re willing to tolerate. If so, great, go for it. I’m all for you caring as little about other people’s perception of you as possible. If not, you probably don’t like this person enough to ask them out anyway.
Second, I think this question is also somewhat friend group dependent. Some may not care at all, while others may consider even just this to be a little odd. If this happened to my friends and I, I’m almost positive that I wouldn’t care, and I have a sneaking suspicion this would be the case for the majority of guys. The original guy didn’t like you anyways, right? But if you think there’s a risk that these people are the type that mind find it odd, then it’s worth considering.
We all accept some level of entanglement while dating at Dartmouth. It’s part of the social contract of being here. As long as this group of friends aren’t particularly gossipy tweakers, you should be fine. Go for it!
- Eli
Dear Homie Hopper,
You should absolutely ask him out. The guy from last spring has not shown any real interest: You initiated the date, were told to “drop it” and then, when you didn’t text him, he didn’t text you. You wouldn’t owe him anything even if he did show interest, but clearly he has no reason at all to be possessive over you in any way.
However, I’m wondering about your intentions in asking the friend out. You said that he is one of your only good options right now. Do you really want to go on a date with him or are you upset about the spring? Or do you just want to be in a relationship? If it’s either of these things I would suggest not to pursue anything right now.
If you really do like him, just ask him out, and deal with the situation with the spring guy when you see him. A little awkward, “Haha, I guess I’ll be seeing you around!” can go a long way. And pretty much everyone at this school knows each other or is friends with each other, so the chances of this happening at some time in your Dartmouth career is high. And most of the time, it isn’t even that bad of a situation!
One more thing: This guy is one of your only good options. Who are the other ones? Evaluate them, too!
- Leila
Eli Moyse ’27 is an opinion editor and columnist for The Dartmouth. He studies government and creative writing. He publishes various personal work under a pen name on Substack (https://substack.com/@wesmercer), and you can find his other work in various publications.
