Dear Freak of the Week,
I recently ended a three year long relationship, but we signed a lease together for senior year with two other friends. Our breakup was technically amicable, but we’re also on the same sports team, so the idea of seeing her at home in addition to practice and classes (we’re in a small major and have similar requirements left) feels overwhelming. I can’t break the lease at this point, but it’s going to be a long year that I’m already dreading. How can I deal?
Sincerely,
This Town Isn’t Big Enough for the Two of Us
Dear This Town Isn’t Big Enough for the Two of Us,
Oh no. The dreaded question of housing. You think you’re lucky to land a lease in packed-to-the-gills Hanover, and then all of a sudden you’re living with your ex-girlfriend. I think your use of “technically” here says it all. It’s easy to have an amicable break up with someone if you only see each other every so often. This, however, sounds like my waking nightmare. Constantly seeing them, being reminded of old times and trying to act like everything is normal seems pretty brutal.
First of all, I would recommend talking to your landlord if you haven’t tried this already. Don’t get me wrong — landlords are certainly not the most reasonable people in the world, but I think it’s always worth a shot, especially in a place like Hanover where there is almost always high demand for housing. Your landlord might have people inquiring about whether there is anything still available, so they could just sub this person in without much drama. That would leave you homeless, of course, but if that’s a potential trade off you’re willing to make so you can gamble to find somewhere else, it might be worth a shot.
Alternatively, have you considered subletting? I don’t know if this is allowed in your lease agreement, but even a casual arrangement with a friend might work. You’re going to need someone who is onboard for something a little bit crazy, but it might be worth it to ask someone you’re close to if they would move in, in exchange for their housing, and as part of the deal, you’d pay whichever rent is more expensive, or you’d cover part of their rent or something. I don’t know if you have the funds or if this is possible, but it might be a creative way to get around it.
If you find yourself still stuck in the agreement, don’t give up hope that you can still have an awesome senior year. The breakup will cool off in time, but before that happens, it might be worth it to set some ground rules with your former partner. If you can’t get away from each other in the house, could you try to negotiate some time apart in classes or on the team — like agreeing to sit next to or lift with other people? This isn’t perfect, but it might lessen the blow either way.
Either way, this kinda sucks. I hope that you’re handling the breakup okay, and I urge you to talk to your friends about this. I think there’s a really good chance they have the same exact thoughts on the situation, and are looking to get some space of their own going into senior year.
- Eli
Dear This Town Isn’t Big Enough for the Two of Us,
This question ties back to the greater issue of living with a partner before marriage. In this situation, it sounds like an obvious no.
I can imagine a very likely scenario here. You decide to go through with it, and suddenly you’re tiptoeing around your partner all over the house. She wakes up at a certain time so you wake up 30 minutes later; she does work in the kitchen so you do work in your room. Now your roommates feel like they have to choose between two of their best friends — one friend is on your side and the other is on her side. Now the house is split in two. That’s no fun.
Rack your brain for a second and think about if there are any of your friends who would be willing to fill in for you. The nice thing about Dartmouth is that even though housing is impossible to get, once you’re a senior, living in the dorms is a very feasible option.
Think on the bright side: At least you broke up now, as opposed to January of your senior year. There’s still time to remedy the situation. And no, I don’t think there is any hope with you trying to go through with still living with her. Though couples may insist that breakups are amicable, there will always be a hint of animosity. This could manifest when you or she brings someone else home, or talks about someone else, or simply just existing in the same room.
Okay, now let’s say you can’t get out of it. That’s fine, you just need to understand that you have to live with the fact that she will probably bring other people home, and that your friends will default to finding the situation awkward unless you both make it explicitly clear that you want to make things normal. In that case, you could have a talk with her before the year starts. Tell her that you want things to be fine, and that you know it won’t be easy but want to try and make it work for everyone.
Sorry for the bleak response, but I trust that things will work out no matter what. Just maybe skip those beginning-of-term group photos in front of your front door.
- Leila
Eli Moyse ’27 is an opinion editor and columnist for The Dartmouth. He studies government and creative writing. He publishes various personal work under a pen name on Substack (https://substack.com/@wesmercer), and you can find his other work in various publications.
