Dear FOTW,
I recently started seeing this new guy in the last two-ish weeks. We’re not dating per se, but it seems more serious than just a random hookup: We text frequently, he seems interested in my life beyond on nights, etc. I’m wondering whether you think that I should get him some kind of gift or do something special for Valentine’s Day, especially considering the fact that the relationship is so new. I don’t want to overwhelm him, but I also want to show him that I’m interested and that I care. Help!
Sincerely,
Heart Eyes
Dear Heart Eyes.
NO LABEL, NO GIFT. Period. That’s it from me.
Okay, I’ll elaborate. You have zero obligation to this man. None. In what world do you need to get a gift? I am done with amazing women feeling like they owe men things because they “seem interested in my life beyond on nights.” I sure hope so!
Valentine’s Day is still a holiday, and I’m not saying that you can’t do a nice gesture. All you have to do is, if you see him of course, wish him a happy Valentine’s Day. Nothing else. If he expects something else, he should ask you to be his girlfriend first.
Do not expect a gift from him. You have no idea where his head is at, and you should only treat a gift as a bonus. If he does not get you a gift, do not overthink it. You have only been seeing him for two weeks. That is not enough time for most people to even work out if they have feelings for someone.
I do think that you should see him, just because you can use the day as an opportunity to gauge where the relationship is going. Maybe ask him to get dinner or ice skate. It doesn’t need to be anything serious. Just tell him that you like spending time with him, and see where the conversation goes from there.
Do not, and I repeat, do not jump the gun. You want to avoid a Valentine’s Day anniversary.
- Leila
Dear Heart Eyes,
First of all, let’s talk about the terms of this relationship: It seems like you are either on the way to dating, casually dating or something in that realm. This is always an exciting but also weird gray area in any relationship. You’re clearly beyond hooking up, and you enjoy each other’s company and personality, but you haven’t quite talked about making it official yet.
If he feels the same way and you haven’t totally misjudged this whole thing, then I bet he’s thinking the same thing, or something similar.
This might not seem very romantic, but my recommendation is honestly just to talk to him directly about plans, to get a feel for the appropriate gift. You don’t have to say exactly what you want, but you might just say “Hey, do you want to do something for Valentine’s Day?” If that feels too forward, you might even just say, “Hey, do you want to do something on Saturday?”
If he says yes and offers to make dinner reservations or something in this vicinity, then I might get him something modest. It’s only two weeks, so either a small piece of food, or some small trinket that is somehow sentimental and significant. If he is more iffy in his response, I wouldn’t worry about any gift at all, because I think that might suggest that he does not see the relationship in the same way.
Either way, I think there’s a clever way to gauge where he wants the relationship to go. Good luck, and I hope that you have a romantic weekend!
- Eli
Eli Moyse ’27 is an opinion editor and columnist for The Dartmouth. He studies government and creative writing. He publishes various personal work under a pen name on Substack (https://substack.com/@wesmercer), and you can find his other work in various publications.
