One of our previous Freak of the Week column questions posited a theory: that everyone in the world can be fit into two categories, a knight or a gnome. There are no concrete definitions for “knight” or “gnome,” and it’s purely an intuitive classification. Recently though, a cutting edge team of researchers at The Dartmouth came together to create a quiz that concretely determines whether one is a knight or a gnome.
Instructions: pull out a pen and paper. Make a column for “A” answers and “B” answers. For each answer, put a tally in the corresponding column of your answer. At the end, we will tell you how to determine the results.
1. Beverage?
a. Kombucha
b. Fresh Puddle Water
2. Author?
a. John Steinbeck
b. David Foster Wallace
3. Pick a location.
a. Field
b. Cave
4. Good or bad posture?
a. Good Posture
b. Bad Posture
5. Do you identify with Danny Devito?
a. No
b. Yes
6. Music?
a. Elvis Presley
b. The Cranberries
7. Drink?
a. IPA
b. White Russian Cutwater
8. City?
a. New York, N.Y.
b. Gary, Ind.
9. Death Row Meal?
a. Steak and Potatoes
b. Stew and Pierogis
10. Which year would you return to?
a. 1776
b. 2003
11. Holiday?
a. New Years Eve
b. Halloween
12. Historical story?
a. The Odyssey
b. Gulliver’s Travels
13. Mythological figure?
a. Centaur
b. Paul Bunyan
14. Which do you value more?
a. Money
b. Sex
15. Water bottle brand?
a. Owala
b. Nalgene
16. Phobia?
a. Being forgotten
b. Losing a cherished hat
Answer: if you answered with more As, you are a knight. If you answered with more Bs, you are a gnome. Congratulations.
Did you get eight As and eight Bs? Are you unsatisfied with your result? If you wish to complete the full gnome or knight quiz, please consult a print edition of this week’s Mirror Magazine.
Eli Moyse ’27 is an opinion editor and columnist for The Dartmouth. He studies government and creative writing. He publishes various personal work under a pen name on Substack (https://substack.com/@wesmercer), and you can find his other work in various publications.
