One of my closest friends is a big hugger. If you asked me for an example of a person whose primary love language was physical touch, I would immediately direct you to her. This trait of hers, however, caught me a bit off guard when we first became friends during our freshman fall. If you asked me then for an example of a person whose primary love language was definitely not physical touch, I would have pointed to myself.
Before college, I rarely expressed physical affection toward my friends, and most of them didn’t initiate it themselves either — not out of a lack of love on either end, I would hope, but simply because it was not the medium through which we were most comfortable expressing our friendship. So, when I arrived at Dartmouth and became friends with people for whom hugs were a natural way of communicating greetings, goodbyes and everything in between, it felt like I was suddenly surrounded by a language I could understand, but couldn’t speak. I appreciated the intention behind the act — I just couldn’t communicate through it myself.
As I spent more and more time around these fluent huggers, however, I found myself gradually turning into one myself. Now, not only do I accept others’ hugs without hesitation, I even extend them myself as offerings of consolation, of congratulations. In being surrounded by native speakers, I unintentionally picked up the language myself.
The same friends that turned me into a hugger also turned me into someone who says “I love you” much more now. The vulnerability and courage they’ve infused me with may be the greatest gifts they’ve given me, and I think the most special part is that they did so unknowingly.
It feels like a bit much to write several hundred words about how I became comfortable with something that has always been second nature for many. But what gets me is the fact that, for the most part, I couldn’t help it. I couldn’t help but be changed by the people I was around, and that is simultaneously scary and the most meaningful thing in the world.
I have no doubt that the people around me — close friends or not — are a big reason why I’ve become not only a more affectionate friend, but also a more assertive leader, a more ambitious creative and a more confident person. I won’t say that I owe all of my personal growth to other people, but I will say that they deserve a whole lot of credit for it, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
This week in Mirror, we navigate the process of change, both internally and externally. One writer details the various communities Sudikoff Hall has housed as another speaks to protestors at one of the weekly Friday afternoon protests at the Main Street intersection. Two writers each reflect on their recent experiences near and far from campus, from adjusting to the multitude of opportunities Dartmouth offers as a first-year to taking a scenery-filled train ride down to Connecticut. Finally, our cooking columnists share a fall-inspired apple pie recipe.
Happy Week 7, Mirror. I hope you too take the time to find something you admire about someone else this week, whether it’s their tenacity, patience or a simple willingness to always offer a hug.
Vivian Wang ’27 is a Mirror editor and writer from the California Bay Area pursuing majors in Psychology and Music. In addition to journalism, she enjoys experimenting with storytelling in its many other forms, from arranging music to playwriting.
