Thirteen speakers shared stories of sexual and relationship violence to an audience of over 100 at Speak Out Tuesday night. Stories varied from assault that took place on campus and during childhood to aggressive break-ups and instances of stalking.
As part of V-February, a monthlong campaign that seeks to show the power of individual voices and raise awareness about violence against women, Speak Out serves as a forum for personal stories. Students can send in submissions anonymously and have someone else read for them, though only one student chose to do so this year.
“I’m really tired of all this shit here at Dartmouth,” one speaker said. “I want someone to take a stand because I am exhausted.”
The speaker described a night during her freshman spring when a friend invited her to a fraternity’s tails event. After a couple of drinks, she went to a dance party at another fraternity with a group of friends, and a man there soon asked her if she wanted to go home with him. Without fully processing the question, she agreed. Once in the dorm room, she explicitly asked if he was going to ask her for consent. He said no, firmly.
The speaker said she did not go through the Committee on Standards process for reporting sexual assault because she did not want to relive the night. She thought others would judge and question her. When she talked to older women on campus, they told her that the man who had assaulted her was “a nice guy” and that she should be happy she “hooked up” with him.
“It has impacted my ability to trust and be vulnerable,” the speaker said. “It’s really important to discuss these experiences with other people who may be in similar situations who maybe feel as though they cannot address them yet in their lives. A lot of people can find connections or empathy in what people have gone through, and it brings people together in a better way.”
The speaker said she chose to speak not for answers but for understanding. She said that her experience on stage was surreal, but that she felt supported by the community.
Another speaker disagreed.
“I don’t think this campus is a safe space,” she said. “I don’t think this room is a safe space. Dartmouth, I see you, and I don’t trust you. Not one bit.”
This speaker detailed an emotionally abusive relationship, in which her partner lied to her and cheated on her. Though they never slept together without consent, she said she would not have consented had she known that he was cheating or lying during their six-year on-and-off relationship.
“As far as I’m concerned, those lies are roofies,” the speaker said. “If you tell a lie to get someone in bed, you’re guilty.”
Two other speakers discussed childhood sexual violence. One was a victim of her older cousin and the other of her stepfather. Both said they have experienced memory loss surrounding the episodes.
Another speaker told a story of a sexual assault that she cannot remember despite consuming only two or three drinks. She said she believes her formal date drugged her drinks, adding that she was unsuspicious at the time because he was someone she knew. She woke up the next morning with bruises on her wrists and legs.
Following the assault, the speaker experienced depression, anxiety and flashbacks.
“When you have your memory stripped, it’s hard for you to have confidence in what happened or what your story was,” she said. “That’s not all that I’m worth, and I’m finally able to move past that.”
Director of health promotion and student wellness Aurora Matzkin was the closing speaker, and she encouraged each audience member to be a proactive bystander.
Matzkin discussed an event that occurred on a trip she took to Mexico when she was 17. She was able to avoid a near-rape when a policeman stopped the act on a closed beach, believing that Matzkin and the person she was with were trespassing. He then allowed her to go free in exchange for the gold necklace she was wearing.
Three men were among the speakers last night.
Attendees said this year’s event offered new lessons and perspectives.
“I think the stories of the guys were really incredible because those were perspectives that I had never heard specifically and that was very interesting,” Cedar Farwell ’17, who attended the event, said.
Farwell said that he found the lesson that survivors of sexual assault try to get back on their feet and not let it define them or their lives to be particularly powerful.
“I think it’s really important to hear what sexual assault is like for the victims,” sexual assault peer advisor Maya Johnson ’14 said. “You normally just are hearing statistics, but you don’t know what it’s actually like, you don’t know how emotional and how hard it is. I know that this is always a very powerful event for people. It gives them a new perspective.”
Sexual Abuse Awareness Program coordinator Rebekah Carrow said that students responded for requests to speak from a campus-wide email, as well as communications from individual SAPAs.
She said that each speaker comes into the event with different goals, like spreading awareness, healing or making a private experience more public.
“I’ve made it clear to all the participants that their story is their own and they can choose to share it or not,” Carrow said. “The overarching theme is owning their experiences.”
The event follows recent campus controversy surrounding a Jan. 10 Bored at Baker post that targeted a female member of the Class of 2017, giving explicit directions for how to sexually assault her.
Carrow said this year’s Speak Out received more submissions than in past years, noting that the post may have created an environment in which people perceive a more urgent need to take action. She said she hopes the event broadens perspectives of sexual assault.
“Hopefully this event will help deepen our understanding as a community of what the individual’s experience is,” Carrow said.
The speakers in this story were not identified due to the sensitive nature of their stories.
