Spreading oneself too thin is the natural tendency of many students — it is often what got us here in the first place — but it is also a tendency we should learn to overcome. Many of us share perfectionist tendencies that drive us to settle for no less than excellence in our academic and personal pursuits. Working hard and being involved are certainly admirable goals, but too often students find themselves equally disengaged from all aspects of their busy lives.
The problem is not necessarily that students are doing too much or that we are incapable of managing our responsibilities, but rather that we have been conditioned to view relaxation and self-care as luxuries. In an effort to juggle our responsibilities, we tend to sacrifice our mental and physical health.
To illustrate this point, I’d like to borrow an analogy from an old David Sedaris essay, “Laugh, Kookaburra.” He writes that life is like a four-burner stove, “one burner represents your family, one is your friends, the third is your health, and the fourth is your work.” Moreover, in order to succeed, you have to shut off one of your burners. For most students, the health burner is one of the first to go.
The student body is composed of high-achieving individuals who are somehow able to participate in a variety of demanding activities and manage a rigorous course load, but still have the time and energy to go out almost every weekend. Our “work hard, play hard” culture tricks us into thinking that the best way to compensate for a busy schedule is to maintain a full social calendar. Our social lives often fail to be a true outlet. Even going out becomes another source of stress, another obligation to meet.
Our small, close-knit community is one of our many boons, but it also causes students to gauge their own success relative to their peers. A certain degree of comparison fosters healthy competition, but constantly taking cues from others discourages as quickly as it can motivate.
When one perceives that one is already falling short of one’s efficacious peers, there is certainly less incentive to slow down. But we must remember that while we may envy others’ poise, we only see a fraction of their lives. Even people who seem put together have their breaking points.
My breaking point came recently, when I realized I had completely shut off my health burner. My relentless desire to have it all had become so ingrained that I was able to maintain my busy life for a long time before realizing what I’d done. I kept pushing forward, propelled by that perverse myth that self-care is a disposable luxury in the face of social and academic pressure. As I was charging forward, a minute of down time felt like a minute wasted.
Sensing that my health burner needed tending, my mom encouraged me to try meditation. Being the quintessential high-driving and high-strung Dartmouth student, the thought of having a few moments of calm breathing only gave me an overwhelming sense of restlessness. However, what ultimately saved me was the very respite I had been avoiding.
During true, mindful relaxation, we are as active and productive as we strive to be during the rest of our lives. Sure, it might be easier to spend our few moments of hard-earned downtime mindlessly scrolling through Netflix, Buzzfeed or Facebook than meditating or doing yoga, but that’s not what we need. We need to make a conscious choice to set aside time during which we can truly disengage from our stressful lives. We need a moment to stop thinking about the next thing — whether it is the next assignment or what we are going to wear to our next themed tails.
A key component of true success is happiness and I am learning that happiness can only be genuinely achieved when one’s aim is satisfaction and fulfillment rather perfection. Ambition can propel us toward excellence, but without bounds it can lead to a life of perpetual discontent. Next time you neglect your health burner, ask yourself, what’s the point of having it all if you can’t enjoy it?
