Pop quiz! What was the biggest storyline of the weekend?
A. Tiger Woods' two-stroke penalty B. Adam Scott winning the Masters C. My trip to the University of Pennsylvania for Spring Fling D. Kobe tearing his AchillesE. Other
If you chose either A or B, you should be ashamed of yourself.
As life teacher and role model Happy Gilmore once put it, "Golf requires goofy pants, and a fat a**." That said, I did tune in to watch the Masters' playoff Sunday and Scott is definitely better-looking than Adam Sandler.
Both Woods and a Penn student I met this weekend had similarly bad luck.
A Penn student tried to refuse me entrance to some party because he had never seen me before. I quickly told him that I was the Island, pulled out my phone and showed him the YouTube videos that I made for this column.
However, the kid wasn't impressed with my acting ability, my voice, my demeanor or my general outlook on life, which kept me waiting outside. Ten seconds later, the guy got the word that "I was good," leading to my words of disdain.
This incident and more only confirmed the notions I had going into the weekend regarding Dartmouth versus Penn. So cross off C because even though we lost to Penn in men's tennis and women's lacrosse this weekend, we beat them everyday in life.
Moving on to Kobe. Going with D is a more plausible option. I like basketball, I'm from Los Angeles and it felt like someone died at Penn when word got out about The Mamba's injury.
If you're a Lakers fan, putting the tragedy into words is hard. I mean the guy has been a staple of the franchise since 1996, and he is the closest thing the world of basketball has seen to greatness since Michael Jordan left the game.
But even Kobe would agree that his episode isn't the correct choice for this little quiz, as he wrote on Facebook, "There are far greater issues/challenges in the world than a torn Achilles. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, find the silver lining and get to work with the same belief, same drive and same conviction as ever."
Which brings me to the answer, E. Other the men's lacrosse team beating Princeton University on Saturday. I don't think I've ever had more fear of missing out or "FOMO" in my entire life. All-American intramural benchwarmer Aaron Absatz '13 will not stop talking about how it was the best day of his life.
"It felt like I won the national championship, and I'm not even on the team."
And although I didn't experience the victory in person, I feel like everyone in attendance for the game echoed Aaron's emotions.
This was a big game. You know how players circle important games on their schedules? So do fans. And this was the game.
Not because Princeton is necessarily our rival or sworn enemy, but midfielder and All-American Tom Schreiber most definitely is.
In the March issue of Inside Lacrosse Schreiber was asked, "If you could guarantee one win, who'd it be against?"
"I'd say Dartmouth," Schreiber responded.
And the story gets worse for Schreiber and Princeton.
On Friday the Tigers felt the need to draw their crest on the field during their walk-through. And don't worry it's documented on Instagram. Trust me, I would know.
Even I felt disrespected by Schrieber and his picture, so you can imagine how men's lacrosse co-captain Christopher Costabile '13 felt.
Look, if you failed the quiz, like Princeton did this weekend, don't feel bad. You should have known that I wasn't going to harp on the Masters and Kobe too much. You can get all that stuff watching ESPN.
I'm actually the one who should be feeling sorry.
Sorry for missing the game, and the weekend. It won't happen again.
