I am Peter. You probably don't know me. This is the story of recruiting.
I think that I am going to rush Google. I met some of the guys from Google last week, and they seem really down to earth and laid back. It's hard to get a bid, but if I hang out enough, kiss enough ass and send enough blitzes, I think I have a shot.
They're pretty A-side too. Kinda like Goldman Sachs, but a little more alt. It's a really big firm. I probably won't get close to all the employees, but as long as I make a few good friends, I think it'd be worth it.
I hate recruiting. Everyone is so fake. When I went to the career fair, I followed a couple of friends around. They are trying to go into i-banking or consulting. Of course. Following them around was kinda like watching the spin cycle on "heavy duty." It's OK for a minute or two, while it's still novel. But it gets boring pretty quick. Walk up to a stand. Shake hands. Network. Make a dumb joke. Fake interest. Repeat. I don't understand why the recruiters buy it. We just say what we think they want to hear. I wish I could just walk up to their stands and ask them what the starting salary is. And how many times they have tails with Kappa. It'd be more honest.
The recruiters are kinda fake too. One girl walked up to a stand that my friend was running. My friend is a recruiter. She told this girl all about how great her firm was and how much fun the people in the office were and that this girl should really apply.
The girl was beaming by the end. She asked my friend if she had a shot. Response: Definitely. The girl walked away. I asked my friend if the girl had a shot. She said no. She said she hated recruiting and that she hated her job.
Friends told me that the point of the career fair is to make enough connections to convince a recruiter to visit your Greek house the night after. I think the logic goes something like this: If a recruiter visits my house, and I am sweet and always smooth, then I will get the job. That is probably true.
We had a few recruiters come over to my house. One of the female recruiters asked me if the football or hockey houses were open. They weren't. Conditioning. I told her that the swimmer house was open. She liked that. I took her over. I was pretty sure it'd end poorly. It did.
The interview is the scariest part of recruiting, I think. It's two hours, and it's the only thing that matters. The interviewers already know everything that you did in the past year. How many leadership roles you had. Your GPA. How often you had a job. How many times you hung out. How many brothers you know. But, if you made it to the interview, none of that really matters anymore. It's just you, the room, 60 brothers and 80 sisters. Tense. Does it look bad if you go to the bathroom right in the middle?
One of my friends got dinged because he buttoned the bottom button on his blazer. I think I'd probably ding someone because of that. It's kinda lousy. I have dinged someone because of that, actually.
If I got a bid at Google, my life would be great. Everyone would love me. You don't even need to be smart after that. Or talented. Or sweet. You have the name behind you. You can go anywhere. Do anything. People bend over backwards to talk to you. They suck up to you. My friend told me that girls love it too.
I hung out with an AD once. He didn't really get the hype. He said that the guys are chill. They have tails with Kappa a lot. But they study a lot and work hard too. And they're just normal guys.
That is probably just BS though. I'm sure it's amazing. That's what everyone tells me.
