If you're half as confused as most folks are about Twitter, or concerned your otherwise chirping social life could use a tweet or two, fear not. Your friends at The Mirror are here to demistify this whole puzzling business about 140 characters or less, with a guide to hashtagging, in terms my fellow live-free-or-die enthusiasts can understand.

Hashtags are words with a pound sign in front of them that people attach to the end of their sentences to sound witty or give context to what they're saying. This manner of speaking ought to be reserved for Twitter and only Twitter, but it is making a foray into everyday talk. Lesson one: #stopthisnonsense

Once you're safely in the Twitter-only realm, try out a few of the following:

worstclassever

May be used gratuitously to describe any class (or anyone) on campus. Best used in a judgmental, discriminatory way without any meaningful cause.

Example tweet: heard shmob talking about how they like #53commons. #worstclassever #53gate #homeplatekiller

ding

See above.

Example tweet: That bitch totally didn't give me my prerequisite 15 yards of space in the defs undercrowded Collis smoothie line. Can you say #ding?

pledgefail

Used to document the preponderance of embarrassing and/or hilarious acts performed by the '14 males as they embark upon their infamous pledge term.

Example tweet: Tried to elope in Vt. Turned out he was already married to his brother. Or was it a turkey? Lunchbox? #pledgefail

53gate

Pejoratively used to highlight all the horrible things that happen with the new DDS meal plan and/or general food situation on campus. Often used with fellow Trademark #downwithdds and '53 Commons' new nickname #homeplatekiller.

Example tweet: Now I have to pay $13 to not eat my crappy salad with friends. #53gate #downwithdds #homeplatekiller #wheresmypanini

liescrootoldme

Usually used by freshman, involves gratuitous complaints about the distinct lack of good Canadian groundfruit in Hanover.

Example tweet: #lonepine to #J45 aka #besttripever. The Canadian groundfruit in the Choates just isn't the same. #liescrootoldme #imadeaninsidejoke

blitzageddon

Used to express terror, anguish and general distaste for the imminent end of the highly esteemed BlitzMail and all the fun words associated with it.

Example tweet: I just can't seem to #flicrosoftoffice as well as I #flitzed. So this is #blitzageddon

The Standalones: Best used as the entire tweet itself, the #standalones are for the more mysterious (read: lazy) among us.

whyistheginalwaysgone

The most often asked and most deeply disturbing question of Fall term.

whyismynorthfacealwaysgone

The most easily answered question of Fall term.

whyisthesunalwaysgone

Mostly used by the kids from California, Florida or Texas who suddenly lose their enviable tan the second they step foot in the freezing tundra of New Hampshire. Luckily, for those of you who are carcinogenically inclined, Hanover has its own tanning salon, right next to our critically acclaimed gelateria. Be jealous, Jersey Shore.

thankgodthesungodsgone

But seriously. Thank God.