I recently went to this thing called "Strictly for Seniors." I thought it involved free drinks at Canoe Club, but it was actually a meeting about how to get a job. Talk about disillusioment. I feel old.
This got me thinking: Rush is really nothing more than one super convoluted job interview. From what I've heard from the few free spirits (read: 98 percent of my class) who have gone through corporate recruiting, etiquette in addition to the ability to tolerate slave labor is one of the most important factors in landing that killer offer.
I think it's fair to say that etiquette is dead at Dartmouth, but in the spirit of preserving this venerated tradition, I've enclosed in these paragraphs some guidelines on rush etiquette though you should take them with a small grain of salt.
Attire
Men: For the love of God, just wear what everyone else is wearing. Look to your left and look to your right if you are wearing the same thing, good work. Are you wearing a top hat? A bow tie? Shades of magenta? TAKE IT OFF. Some other fashion taboos (that I may be guilty of myself): Wearing tennis shoes, wearing white socks, not tying my shoelaces, not knowing how to tie a tie. Always check the front door. Also, don't wear a pocket square those are strictly for men over 40 and Don Draper.
Women: Apparently for women's rush, rushees must wear not one, but three different types of attire: casual, "kind of casual but a little bit formal" and formal. To me that translates into: Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, room-to-room tails, church wedding. I'm probably totally wrong, but it didn't help that when I asked a '12 female about it she responded, "It's hard to explain," so I don't have a lot to go on here. I guess it's safe to say you should steer clear of jeggings (yeah I said it).
Grooming
Everyone: Please shave your mustache/neckbeard/muttonchops.
Greetings
Men: Always go with a solid handshake. A good handshake is worth a million words. It's kind of like the story of Goldilocks and the Three Bears. Too strong and you become a total overpowering, controlling jerk. Too soft and you're seen as a weak and silly little boy. And the most important thing is eye contact. Look deep into the eyes of the other guy that says "I respect you." But don't hold on his gaze too long or it'll get weird. And definitely don't try to pull a fist bump or high five on your own.
Women: What do women do when they are thrown together in a small room? For a while I thought there were curtseys and kisses on the cheek. Apparently a light handshake is sufficient. I don't know girl code.
Food
Everyone: Rush is super stressful and time consuming. By all means get as much free food as possible. Just don't eat with your mouth full and don't try and stuff all the cheese/crackers into your pocket/purse. (But actually, don't. Ladies, it's actually against rush rules.)
Conversation
Everyone: Rush is an inherently awkward process, essentially involving man-flirting/girl-flirting. There is only so much to talk about, so here are some go-to topics to break awkward silences:
"Weren't you in my astro class?" Mutual friend, i.e. "No way! I was in Brazil the same time your best friend's cousin was there on an LSA!!" "Omg what's the deal with DDS? The new plan is soo confusing." Cats JYK James Franco The darndest things '15s do "Did you see Transformers?!" Charlie Sheen How wrong this article was
I truly wish everyone the best of luck throughout rush. In the end, it is nothing more then an ambiguous, silly process. That said, once pledge term begins I look forward to you either telling me that I'm eighth in line or trying to sell me cookies from a bake sale.
