This week I decided to throw a little spin on the traditional one-on-one formula. Dartmouth always brags about the strength of its community, so I wanted to portray some of the school's legendary camaraderie. Instead of interviewing only one of the Big Green's many talented athletes, I found a group of gifted individuals in a group study room in Woodward Hall.
They agreed to sit through the interview if I agreed to return their stolen problem sets. Who said a little coercion never got anything accomplished?
In the room were football player Shawn Abuhoff '12, football player Ryan O'Neill '12, baseball player Jason Brooks '11 and volleyball player Kelsey Johnson '11. Shawn and Kelsey are one of Dartmouth's premier athletic couples, so I asked them if they ever found themselves competing at sports.
SA: No.
KJ: (laughing) He refuses. I keep asking him to play tennis but he always says no.
Well then, who's more athletic?
RO: Me.
KJ: Ryan O'Neill wins. Who's more athletic, Shawn?
SA: Kelsey.
KJ: Good answer.
If Shawn and Kelsey were to switch sports, who would be more successful?
SA: I'm not even six feet tall. How the hell can I play volleyball?
RO: I've seen Shawn play volleyball, and I hope that Kelsey is better at football. The bar is set pretty low.
SA: I've seen Kelsey snag a one-handed catch 40 yards downfield while playing flag football so she definitely wins.
If you two were to have a baby, would it get Kelsey's hops or Shawn's quicks?
JB: How about Kelsey's height?
RO: No, no, no, Shawn's polluting the gene pool on that one. That kid would come out 5'2".
KJ: Shawn can jump too, so he would be fast and a good jumper. He would just be kind of short. He or she might be a model Shawn's done some modeling in his past.
Speaking of modeling, who is uglier out of this roommate combo?
SA: That answer goes without saying
RO: Obviously, because it's you.
SA: Hey, my modeling past proves otherwise.
Shawn's fast and Ryan's strong. In a battle of speed versus power, who comes out victorious?
SA: The freaking gazelle.
RO: The lion wins. Haven't you ever seen Animal Planet? The lion always ends up eating. The gazelle never wins. It's not good TV unless something dies. The gazelle doesn't win sh*t, Shawn.
What's more important, offense or defense?
SA: Can we ask the question of what's more fun? Because it's definitely not offensive line.
RO: Well offense is definitely more important. You can't win a game if you don't score points.
Defense can score points Shawn's definitely scored more touchdowns than you have.
RO: I'm an offensive lineman. I don't care. Shawn is also more of a coward than I am.
Kelsey, what's your advice to the younger athletes in the room on how to approach their final collegiate season?
KJ: Have fun and enjoy your sport.
JB: Screw that win. Take this advice from your baseball roommate: it's fun to play in the Ivy League Championship every year.
Shawn and Ryan, what are your goals for the upcoming season?
JB: Win a freaking Ivy League Championship.
RO: Shut up, this isn't your interview. I definitely want to win an Ivy Championship.
SA: First, I want to win an Ivy Championship. After that, I want to receive All-American at two different positions. I'm holding myself to high standards.
