1. Snow in the Spring
T.S. Eliot once said, "April is the cruelest month." And this year it was. It was filthy. If Dubstep embodied a season, it would be spring in Hanover. The dreadful 30 days brought snow, sleet, hail, thunderstorms and mudslides galore.
2. Stereotypical Frat Music
I'm all for the big three: Ke$ha, Katy Perry and Gaga. But I can only listen to so many songs about fireworks, blow or being born a certain way. Don't get me wrong these songs are catchy and I do enjoy singing the chorus of "WO-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh," but what exactly are the lyrics even about?
3. Not Getting Invited to Formals
After graduation, I plan to go on a whirlwind tour of weddings (too soon?). There's a direct correlation between the number of formals you are invited to and the number of weddings you will attend once you enter the real world. I'll go with anyone just don't assume anything about my post-party intentions.
4. Nap Police
I've had my fair share of library slumbers, as exemplified by my appearance on the popular blog "Asians Sleeping in the Library." Apparently it's illegal to take naps in the library. I found this out the hard way when I was assaulted by a very angry man ("HEY KID GO BACK TO YOUR ROOM") during a much-needed cat nap. Granted, maybe a picture of a passed out student on a nice couch isn't the best image to have on the Dartmouth home page. But doesn't it show that we work hard, snooze hard?
5. Unrequited Love
Unrequited love is the worst. It's like a puppy that bites you when you try to pet it. Need I say more?
6. Library Charges
I've opened my Hinman box after a three-week hiatus only to find a $30 charge for a late book one too many times. It was two hours late. Really? Whatever, who needs reading anyway?
7. The Person Who's Too Busy to Get Lunch With You
I ask you if you want to get lunch on Monday and you schedule me for next week? Do you seriously have seven other lunches lined up between now and then?
8. 1902 Room
An old joke. But still, it is the place where fun goes to die. Be warned you will leave with no soul.
9. Room Draw
I've only witnessed massive numbers of crying girls twice in my life at Dartmouth during rush and room draw. There is nothing more heartbreaking than realizing you can't live with your biffles in that totally perfect suite in the Fayerweathers. But OMG you had the best number in the freshman class, and you and your homies already had a Jersey Shore theme planned and handwritten house-warming invites!
Nobody wants to live in the Lodge with a rando. Shame on you, room draw!
10. Haters
Stop anonymously commenting on D articles!
But let us not forget about the worst Dementor of them all: the real world. The realization that life outside the bubble chock-full of mortgages, jobs and weddings will slowly suck out your soul. Until then, I will be working on my Patronus.
Have fun, seniors!
