Sean: YO, MAN you gotta chill out sometime. Cut that heavy-handed writing, take a deep breath and kick it like I do. I get just as much shit done as you do, with half the stress.
Patrick: Bull. Prove it. I've been spending my time actually doing something: prepping for MCAT, trying to crush medians, getting a real internship.
Sean: Yeah, but while you cry in the 1902, I get paid to play aggressive rap music behind a desk. Ladies love it when I find their lost IDs and I hold down a solid 8 to 4 shift. In short, I have mad real world skills.
Patrick: Don't tell me about the real world. I'm 21. I straight-up bar hop every weekend: Ramunto's, Canoe Club, Molly's, Salt Hill. All day every day.
Sean: Whatever, I have a stronger Twitter following than you 35 followers and going strong. You have, like, five and one of them is your sister.
Patrick: Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me because I was bullied more than you in middle school but am way cooler than you now.
Sean: Well I've seen more traumatizing events than you. And I'm still chiller than you.
Patrick: I've lost more pets than you.
Sean: I get more care packages from my mom than you do. She forget about you or something?
Patrick: I watch more Hulu than you do.
Sean: I've been peed on more times than you have.
Patrick: I have a higher vertical jump.
Sean: But I bench more.
Patrick: I embody the ideals of Dartmouth more than you do
Sean: Don't care.
Patrick: Me neither.
