We all love Dartmouth. Dartmouth loves all of us. Despite all this talk about love, some of us here at The Mirror couldn't help but remember that we're drowning in mother-effing midterms. Perhaps if Dartmouth were personified as Wednesday-of-midterms-week, it would realize what it was putting us through and have a little mercy. If Dartmouth were a person I imagine his schedule would go something like this:
1:18 am: Finishes econ homework in the 1902 Room, begins studying for today's chem midterm. God, this is boring. So sleepy 6:36 am: Wakes up in the 1902 Room. Discovers drool on chem notes, which makes them rather hard to read.6:37 am: Realizes he's not even a third of the way through his lecture notes. Updates Facebook status to see if any of his 1,653 friends know "how late is too late to NRO chem??" Notices intriguing pictures from TDX Camo party. Gets embarrassed about Facebook stalking in public, closes computer and goes back to studying.7:30 am: Thanks Jim Kim, and secondarily, God, for the chocolate chip scones at Novack. Some girl on FFB smiles as he goes to pick up his stuff from the 1902 room. Just another day in the life.7:46 am: Ponders the consequences of throwing pencils at the freshman drill instructor currently yelling at him in Arabic. Decides it's not worth it, shrugs it off. Notices some girls in the corner smiling at him. Stud.8:08 am: Tries to spell "Keystone" in Arabic. Realizes midway through that there's no Keystone in Saudi.8:30 am: Fifteen minutes.8:33 am: Receives text from friend in drill: "I thought you didn't go out last night." Sends text: "I didn't. Ducking chem midterm." Sends another text: "Ducking autocorrect." Receives text: "lol. then why'd you let someone draw all over your face?"8:34 am: Leaves to go to the bathroom with hood on. Washes chem notes off of face. Back to drill.8:40 am: Five minutes.8:42 am: Three minutes.8:45 am: OUT. Avoids texter friend, smiling girls and people in general. Sets up camp on fourth floor Berry to continue studying chem.10:00 am: Econ lecture, time to focus.12:48 pm: Lunch time. After 15 minutes of waiting in line, finally gets his chicken parm sandwich from FoCo. Sits with some friends, eats chicken parm and fights over which B@B boobs were the best. Other topics of conversation include sports, pong, corporate recruiting, how cold it is, etc.1:13 pm: Leaves FoCo and heads back to fourth floor Berry. Passes out five minutes later.3:46 pm: Wakes up to the sound of giggling freshmen girls. Moves to the stacks.6:12 pm: Packs up stuff and heads to Collis. Gets in line for Collis pasta.6:24 pm: Still in line for Collis pasta.6:34 pm: STILL in line for Collis pasta.6:38 pm: Takes a bite of Collis pasta and remembers why he waits in line for it. Picks up a brownie to go. Takes a bite of the brownie and realizes it was one of those date brownies. How do you even make those anyway? Decides it's one of those mysteries humankind will never understand, like world peace, the identity of the rampant North Face thief or why exactly Matt Scott hides under all that hair.6:59 pm: Gets to midterm, barely beating out some ginger for the last desk. Realizes said seat is right next to last Saturday's dance floor hookup. To acknowledge or not to acknowledge? Decides to address midterm first and uncomfortable situation later.9:14 pm: DONE, gets up to leave. DFH also gets up to leave. Well, this is awkward. Stops to hold door for DFH on the way out. Such a gentleman.9:15 pm: DFH is walking in same direction. She's kinda cute, and meetings aren't for a while Decides to acknowledge DFH. Discuss mutual regret of taking chem as a distrib. Bitch about premeds and people who hit low. Definitely a potential pong partner.9:22 pm: Drops stuff off in room and stops to check Blitz and Blackboard. Discovers there's another chem midterm next week. Do those even count as midterms anymore?10:00 pm: Heads over to meetings. Unfortunately they don't start for another 20 minutes.11:42 pm: First in line. Begins quest for a partner prospects looking grim until DFH is spotted. Spurred on by a little liquid confidence, Dartmouth approaches. Pong partner, check. 11:58 pm: On table just in time for it to turn into a dance party. Dartmouth is temporarily pissed until DFH starts dancing. Suddenly a dance party doesn't sound so bad.12:00 onward: There's a reason they call it 11Win, isn't there?
